Pasting the Cracks
by SD130413
Summary: When Bayard Ellis asked for Olivia's hand in marriage there was no denying that she freaked out, but now after giving her answer how does it affect her life? SEQUEL TO GLUING GLASS
1. Six Months Later

**So here it is the first chapter of the sequel to Gluing Glass!**

Six months had passed since that life changing day when Bayard asked for Olivia's hand in marriage. Now, sat in her office chair she knew that she had made the right decision. She was happier than she had ever been as she hummed quietly to herself and looked at the solitaire diamond shining from its gold band, catching the light causing it to sparkle.

She smiled softly as she glanced over at the build-up of pictures on her desk. She hadn't expected there to be so many but with every occasion there was a need for a picture and as Olivia added them to the collection on her desk she didn't have the heart to take one off.

The wedding date was picked and they were in the early stages of planning. Olivia and Bayard would be engaged exactly a year to the day when they would finally become man and wife. With six months to go he felt like there was more than enough time for them to plan everything down to the last detail but Olivia wasn't so sure.

Olivia's life was now in a comfortable place. She had finally allowed Elliot back into her life. It started with emails here and there followed by texts and then phone calls and now they met up once a week for coffee and a chat keeping each other up to date on their privet lives, work speak was off limits though as Elliot missed the one six but had no desire in returning.

Her relationship with Don Cragen had developed further too. Every Wednesday they trekked up to the cliff to have some 'Daddy/Daughter' talk followed by dinner and then took flowers to his wife's grave. She felt like she owed him her life as she wouldn't be the person she was now if he hadn't loved and supported her the way he had when she was at her worst.

She still saw Elizabeth Olivet once a month, mainly to calm her own fears about regressing back to the person she'd almost become with her drinking and smoking. Elizabeth didn't mind though, she was happy to help a friend and the truth was their therapy sessions had turned more into a time for tea and catch up rather than the usual sit down and talk sessions she held.

As Lieutenant Olivia found herself doing a lot more administrative work as well as running a few cases without Cragen's involvement especially around COM STAT and Annual Psych evals where he had been far too busy and he was honestly grateful that he had her to take some of the weight off his shoulders, even though she was still determined to be out on the streets, she felt that's where she belonged.

Things weren't perfect though. Her relationship with Bayard wasn't perfect either. She loved him and he loved her but as a defence attorney who was on retainers by rapists, child abusers and sexual deviants their professional lives had crossed paths multiple times and they spent hours arguing their side of the case and giving each other the silent treatment for a couple of days after the result. However, the best thing for both of them about fighting was making up afterwards.

There were parts of their lives together that was perfect though. Such as, Molly, who was always playing mediator between her Dad and Step-Mom but loved doing it because she saw their love through their passion which was at its most visible when they were fighting. There was also their home situation. Though Olivia still spent most nights at Bayard's house they had decided to buy a place together, suitable to raise a family, to move in when they returned from their honeymoon. A family was the other, they both wanted a family together and Molly was desperate for siblings and was impatient about the fact that once again her parents had decided to wait until after the wedding but as a fourteen year old girl she was just happy that she finally was getting the family she'd dreamed of growing up she had a Dad and a Mom in her life.

"Baby girl that ring isn't going anywhere you don't have to stare at it." Fin chuckled and Olivia smiled and dropped her hand, she'd been day dreaming for the past ten minutes or so.

"Shut up Fin man, when she's like this she's leaving me alone!" Nick teased as Olivia shot him a warning glance followed by a playful smile, she and her partner were closer than they had ever been, she trusted him and let him in more than anyone expected her to which meant he caught the brunt of any anger on her part.

"Am I not allowed to be happy?" Olivia questioned looking at her co-workers.

"Course you are, so what were you dreaming about?" Fin asked. "Let me guess, the next ball?"

"Ball? They're galas Fin not Balls." Olivia chuckled. "And no I was mentally going through the wedding list."

"Oh the one taped to your desk that you could just look at?" Nick asked with a laugh.

"I'm trying to think if I've forgotten anything, we're half way through our time limit now and I'm beginning to panic." Olivia replied honestly.

"Baby girl you've got six whole months to plan this thing, seriously you need to chill." Fin replied.

"Yeah well I've got half of Manhattan's aristocracy coming include the Mayor and the Police Commissioner, this day cannot go wrong." Olivia replied with a huff and Nick and Fin both knew it was time to back off.

The rest of the day passed quite slowly and Olivia was looking forward to her weekly time with Cragen. It was a routine now that they left the precinct at five o'clock on the dot and went to the cliff for an hour depending on the weather, through the winter they'd spent their time on the cliff in the car except for when it was snowing and they stopped to by boots and walked up and stayed only ten minutes.

"Liv you ready to go?" Cragen asked coming out of his office already in his coat and hat, it was early March so it was warming up outside but still not warm enough to go without their coats.

"Yeah just … need to finish… this… and… it's … done." She said as she finished writing an email to Elliot and clicked send.

"Then let's go." He smiled holding her jacket out to her.

* * *

They spent the first ten to fifteen minutes in complete silence just staring out into the horizon, Olivia throwing pebbles and small rocks out as she thought. It's what they did, they would think through everything that had crossed their mind in the week since their last visit and then talk about it together, offloading to each other, supporting each other.

"So how are Bayard and Molly?" Don asked when Olivia's rock throwing stopped which meant she was done thinking.

"Great, Bayard asked me to ask if you're coming to dinner Sunday." Olivia smiled, that was a once in a month thing for them but Olivia still asked on the Wednesday before.

"Absolutely." Don smiled.

The truth was having his time with Olivia on Wednesday's followed by being with her on a monthly basis on Sunday's had given him the one thing he'd always dreamed of, in Olivia gaining a family, he'd gained one to.

"Great." Olivia smiled. "We thankfully don't have any galas or parties Saturday so we'll both be relaxed."

Don smiled. Olivia's life had certainly improved in the last six months dramatically and he'd watched her bloom and change with it, he was so proud of her and everything she'd achieved.

"So how's the wedding planning coming?" Don asked knowing Olivia was working relentlessly to make sure that the most talked about wedding of the year would be worth all the hype even though he knew she would prefer to elope or just turn up at the courthouse.

"Don't get me started." She sighed and Don saw some of the light in her eyes fade.

"Liv what's wrong?" He asked her and she gave him a weak smile, he always could read her like a book.

"I guess I'm just scared." Olivia replied. "Of marriage, commitment, of the wedding itself."

"That's completely normal Liv." Don reassured giving her knee a gentle squeeze.

"Even though the wedding isn't for another six months?" She asked with a raised eyebrow questioning her superior.

"Even though the wedding isn't for six months." He reassured. "When Marge and I got engaged, we had a long engagement of two years because we couldn't afford the dream wedding that we both wanted so we decided to save and every day until the day I put that ring on her finger I'd be scared, I didn't let it rule my life or how I lived it with Marge but the doubt was constantly there until I saw her walking down that aisle and blew me away and all the doubt and fear I had right along with it."

Olivia smiled. She loved hearing Don tell her about his late wife. She loved seeing the spark in his features and the light in his eyes.

"Ok." She said. "There was something I wanted to ask you actually, about this wedding, I've been meaning to ask you for a long time but I guess… I let the fear stop me. Now feel free to say no and you won't have to explain your decision but you've always been there for me Don, you've really been the man in my life that I've looked up to and wanted to make proud … so would you… would you walk me down the aisle?" She didn't look at him as she asked scared and worried he wouldn't want to so she failed to see his whole face light up along with his broad smile.

"I would be honoured Olivia." He said taking her hand in his own.

"Really?" She asked turning to look at him and she saw the tears sparkling in his eyes.

He just nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. He was really honoured that Olivia had asked him, he'd never thought he'd get to walk his 'daughter' down the aisle. It was just one of those things he'd accepted when he realised that he and Marge wouldn't have children as she passed to early.

Olivia scooted closer to him and then pulled him into a hug to hide her own tears. She wasn't' sure why, but she'd convinced herself, possibly out of fear that he would say no. To see him react in such a way to her asking warmed her heart.

"Thank you." She said as she pulled away.

"No Olivia, thank you. You've grown into such a magnificent lady. You deserve all the happiness in the world." He told her caressing the hand he held.

"Oh Cap…" She said wiping her tears. "You made me cry."

"Hey you made me cry first." He teased nudging her should making her smile. "Now how about some dinner?"

* * *

Once at their usual restaurant they were quickly shown to the table reserved the week before and ordered their drinks. Since Olivia's problem she never drank in front of her superior except a glass of wine when he would come round on their monthly Sunday's so when they came to the restaurant he had his club soda and Olivia would have a sparkling water.

As soon as their food was ordered as always they began talking about work and their current cases.

"I need to re-interview the witnesses on the Sandhurst case, something isn't just adding up." Olivia said having been working on the two month old cold case.

"Sure, as long as nothing new comes in you and Nick can split them up between you." Don smiled.

"Then there's the Downing case, I think the vics holding something back that we could use to crack it wide open." She added just as their food was brought over.

"Go with your gut on it Liv, your gut is usually right." Don reassured.

Olivia smiled and nodded in reply.

"There's the Mayor's lunch on Tuesday, don't forget, full dress blues." Don said and Olivia groaned and rolled her eyes, that was another thing since her promotion too, more political responsibility.

"You're coming right?" Olivia asked, Don had skipped out on one lunch a month ago and she had been left to her own devices which had her pulling her hair out by the end.

"Of course." He smiled. "Even though if I hear him call you Lady or Miss Benson again I'm going to pull… no I'm not I don't have any hair to pull." He laughed softly.

"Oh come on he knew me as Miss Benson first." Olivia laughed.

"Yes he did but when you're in that uniform you're Lieutenant and he should do well to remember that." Don said firmly before breaking out into a smile.

"Well we'll see but if he asks me anything about Bayard, the next gala or my wedding I will struggle to bite my tongue." She said with a cheeky grin on her face.

Don just laughed softly in reply, he loved spending time with Olivia whatever they talked about they always had fun.

* * *

Olivia and Don walked arm in arm through the graveyard just as daylight begun to fade away. She knew the way now having been there so often but Don enjoyed sharing this privet moment with Olivia, he never wanted alone time to talk with his wife, he did that Sunday mornings at the cliff but he liked to keep her grave tidy and make sure there was always flowers there.

Don removed the old flowers and Olivia placed the new bouquet in their place without breaking the link in their arms. They then stood in silence for a moment giving Don time to think about what else to tell Olivia about his wife as he did every week.

"This one time, I came in from work and she had been home all day with back ache, she had been crocheting a blanket for a friend's newborn and had fallen asleep in her rocking chair. She looked like an angel Olivia. I'll never forget how peaceful she looked that day. I'd not long bought myself my first camera and you know what I'm like for taking pictures but anyway I grabbed it quickly and took a photo of her and back them cameras were noisy and it woke her and she was so angry with me until I sat her down and told her why I'd taken that photo and she cried and said I'd never said anything so sweet. I wiped her tears with my thumb and we cuddled up on the couch and she fell back asleep, she must have been so exhausted." He smiled fondly at the memory as Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. "I still have that photo, it's black and white of course I'll have to show it to you someday."

"I'd love to see it." She said softly.

"Well until next week." He said leaning his own cheek on the top of Olivia's head.

"Till next week." She echoed before they walked back to Olivia's car.

* * *

After dropping Don off at his house Olivia drove across town to Bayard's palace. Tonight she didn't feel much like being in her apartment.

She snuck quietly into the house knowing that Molly would be in bed and that Bayard would be in the study. Quickly she deposited her gun, handcuffs and shield in the lock box and made her way upstairs to Molly's old bedroom which was now Bayard's study.

"Hey." He smiled and spun his chair round as he heard the door squeak open.

"Hey." Olivia smiled as she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Nice evening with Don?" He asked knowing of their weakly event.

"Yeah. I finally asked him to walk me down the aisle." Olivia smiled.

"Good, and what did he say?" Bayard asked knowing that Olivia had reservations about asking such a thing from her superior who would be walking her in front of his own superior officers.

"He said he'd be honoured… and then he cried." Olivia said with a soft laugh.

"See I told you he would want to." Bayard said as he pulled Olivia into his lap while she kept a tight hold on his neck.

"Now there's only the reception venue to choose, the flowers, the dresses, the suits, the…"

A hand slipped over her mouth.

"One thing at a time Livia, the church is booked that's all that's important." Bayard said softly. "How about we choose the reception venue while Don's here on Sunday, you said you wanted to involve him in the planning if he agreed to walk you down the aisle."

"Ok." Olivia smiled.

"And we've already agreed on the colour scheme." Bayard reminded her and she nodded her head where it rested in the crook of his neck. "So that will make everything easier."

"We need to choose the food…"

"Which we'll do once we've chosen the reception venue, we've got six months Liv we can take it one step at a time."

"The rings…"

"Liv…"

"The first dance song…"

"I thought we'd already chosen that." He said with a frown.

"Have we?" Olivia asked sitting up to look at her fiancé.

"I thought it would be 'our' song, I thought that was a given." He said.

"You mean the song you sang to me when we had our very expensive and illustrious and over the top engagement party?" Olivia asked remembering back.

"Yes." Bayard nodded. "You said the song said everything you couldn't find the words to say to me and I said that's why I requested it and dragged you on the dance floor to sing it to you."

"Oh yeah, then that's another thing down but then you've reminded me we need to find a good Dj, and then there's the choir and string quartet for the service…"

"Seriously Liv, one step at a time and we'll get there. In six months you will be my wife and I your husband and the wedding will be all over and you'll be wondering what on earth it was you were worrying for a year about." Bayard chuckled and Olivia smiled, she hoped he was right.


	2. Wedding Planning Stage One

**This story will skip a bit for a little while next chapter skips ahead two weeks!**

**Also those of you who are used to my daily updates, I'm currently at my parents house and my boyfriend lives around the corner who I haven't seen for three whole weeks so I am sorry that updates will be few and far between for at least two weeks while I'm on vacation. Steff oxo**

The following Sunday Olivia and Bayard were in the kitchen preparing their lunch together when the door went.

"I'll get it." Molly smiled, they all knew who it was and seeing as all Molly was doing was stealing raw carrots as Olivia chopped she knew it was her job to get the door.

"Hi Uncle Don." Molly smiled at the man who'd become a part of her life along with Olivia.

"Hello Molly." Don said as he took of his hat.

"I'll take your coat, Mom and Dad are in the kitchen." Molly smiled.

Don smiled right back at her, hearing Molly call Olivia Mom warmed his heart as much as it did his Lieutenant's, she was still surprised when Molly called her by that name, it had started with calling Olivia 'Mom' to her friends and then it would fluctuate between Mom and Livvie for a couple of months before Mom became the only name she used.

"Thank you." Don said as he handed her his coat and hat to hang up and make his way down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Hey." Olivia smiled wiping her hands on a towel before embracing and kissing Don's cheek.

"Hey, smells good in here, Hi Bayard." Don said and Bayard smiled and nodded his head in reply.

"Drink?" Olivia asked and Don just nodded as Olivia was already half way to the fridge to get a soda for him.

"You go relax babe, I'll finish up in here, everything will still take an hour or so." Bayard said as Olivia poured four sodas.

"You sure you don't need me?" She asked playfully.

"Babe I'm more likely to burn the place down with your uh … help." He said teasing her so she smacked him playfully on the shoulder.

"That's not nice." She told him in a faux firm manner.

"Oh I'm sorry." He said pouting childishly making everyone laugh. "Go." He told her once she'd put away the soda.

"I'm going!" She replied laughing as she passed the drinks over to Don and Molly and they went through to the living room.

"You're like a married couple already." Don told her with a smile not realising that his words scared the living daylights out of Olivia.

"Yeah." She said hiding any sign of doubt that crept into her mind. "So uh Bayard and I wanted to start looking for our reception venue, I was hoping you'd be involved in all of this like … like my side of the family." Her eyes sank to the floor.

"I'd love to." He told her firmly and she looked at him and smiled. "I'll be the father of the bride that gets in the way." He teased but his words warmed Olivia's heart.

"The guest list isn't completed yet but we have written out our close friends and family and we've already figured out where they will go in the Church." Olivia said getting the notebook from beneath the coffee table that she kept scribbling details of her wedding in.

"That's a good idea, sooner you get it to the groomsmen the better." Don agreed.

"Yeah, Bayard's brother Drake is going to be one of the groomsmen, then his friends Lucas and Frank and his best man is going to be his friend Tony." Olivia said. "Then I've got Molly as my bridesmaid and I need to ask Melinda to be my maid of honour and Alex, Casey and Amanda to be my bridesmaids and that would get Munch, Fin and Nick involved because I want them to walk the girls down the aisle." Olivia explained and Don smiled wide at her, she was getting her side of the family as involved as Bayard was getting his.

After they had eaten Bayard, Olivia and Don had spent a couple of hours trying to decide where they would hold the reception. With the wedding happening in September they wanted something outdoors but indoors so what they ended up booking was a hotel with large landscaped grounds. They would have the wedding breakfast inside and then would have some wine and dancing while the pictures would be taken and then it would be back inside for the evening celebration which would be when most of the friends of friends and children of the aristocracy would be joining them.

"That's a lot more sorted Liv." Bayard said as they cuddled on the couch just after Don left.

"Yeah, I can relax a little now the venues have been organised, there's just so much to do." Olivia explained as she enjoyed Bayard's hand running through her hair.

"Just chill Princess, we've got six months, when there's only a month left then that's when we'll panic." Bayard told her gently.

"I plan to have everything organised down to the last piece of confetti before there's a month left." Olivia laughed softly. "The last month should be about relaxing before the big day."

"That's my girl." He said kissing her forehead softly.

* * *

The next morning Olivia left the house early to go and meet Elliot for breakfast. He was now working as a security guard for a politician but had Monday's and Thursday's off.

She drove the usual route to the diner and smiled when she saw Elliot sitting already at their usual table with a steaming mug of coffee.

"Hey." He smiled giving her a hug when she arrived the table.

Olivia returned the hug before sitting down and a coffee was brought over to her.

"So how are you?" Elliot asked.

"Good." She smiled. "Wedding planning has progressed we've booked the second venue."

"Which is?" Elliot was genuinely intrigued as he was excited for his friend.

"The New York Palace." Olivia replied and Elliot's eyes almost burst out of his head.

"Wow that's not going to come cheap." He told her and she nodded in reply, of course it wasn't but then it wasn't supposed to.

"You only get married the once El, I want to do it all out." She explained and Elliot nodded. "So uh if I invite you and Kathy and the kids will you all come?"

"Of course we will Liv, the kids miss you and Kathy asks about you all the time." Elliot smiled and Olivia nodded softly. "Why don't you and Bayard and Molly come with me and Kathy for a meal this Friday, we'll have Lizzie, Dickie and Eli with us and we can have a catch up."

"I'll ask Bayard." Olivia smiled as they ordered breakfast.

"So other than New York Palace and Trinity Church what else have you planned for the wedding of the year?" Elliot continued.

"I've asked Cragen to walk me down the aisle." Olivia said and Elliot's eyebrows rose and he smiled at her.

"That's great." He smiled.

"Yeah, I just need to ask my bridesmaids so I can get dress hunting." Olivia smiled, she was really excited for the wedding and she wasn't going to even try and hide it.

"That's great Liv, I'm sure the day will be perfect and you'll look amazing." Elliot reassured.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled, she was genuinely pleased he was happy for her.

After finishing breakfast Olivia made her way to work looking forward to asking her co-workers to be a part of the bridal party.

When she arrived though Don was relieved as they had a case but he hadn't want to call her knowing that she was meeting with Elliot.

"Liv, Nick go down to Warner, Amanda, Fin go kick CSU's ass till they give you something." Don ordered just as Olivia passed her partner his coffee.

"Let's go." He said knowing Olivia hadn't had the chance to even sit down before they left. "I'll fill you in on the way."

Olivia sighed, she knew as soon as Nick filled her in on the case it was going to be a long day.

"Hey Mel." Olivia smiled as they walked into the morgue.

"Hey Liv missed you at the scene." Melinda noted.

"Uh yeah breakfast with Elliot so Don didn't call." Olivia shrugged. "So what have we got?"

"Well she's been beaten, raped and sodomized repeatedly for years. This time though someone sodomized her with something foreign and they … she bled to death." Melinda explained knowing they didn't need to hear the details.

"Any idea what it is we're looking for?" Olivia asked.

"Something long and smooth." Melinda explained. "Like a baseball bat."

"Or a baton." Olivia noted and Melinda nodded in agreement.

"Poor kid." Nick sighed looking down at the seven year old on the morgue slab where they had five suspects who could have killed her.

"Yeah, she suffered." Melinda sighed covering the body back up.

"Ok well let us know if you get anything else." Nick said walking out.

"Uh Mel you got a second?" Olivia asked nervously, she didn't know why she was nervous but she definitely had the sweaty palms and butterflies in her stomach.

"What's up Liv?" Melinda asked taking her autopsy gloves off.

"Uh … well I was… I was wondering if you'd uh… if you'd be my maid of honour?"

"Really?" Melinda gasped with a wide smile on her face.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded.

"Of course I will, oh my God Liv I'd love to be … wow thank you." Melinda hugged the lieutenant and Olivia quickly returned the gesture.

"I'll let you know when I set a shopping day for the dresses." Olivia said.

"Of course." Melinda smiled. "Who else are you asking?"

"I'm asking Casey, Alex and Amanda to be bridesmaids along with Molly who already knows but I haven't asked the others so…"

"Keep it shut till you have right?" Melinda smiled. "Of course Liv."

"I'll see you later Melinda." Olivia smiled broadly as she walked out of the morgue leaving the ME to smile and get excited for Olivia's wedding.

* * *

Olivia didn't get a chance to ask Amanda to be her bridesmaid until the next afternoon. The case had been far from smooth and as soon as she got the chance she got the female detective close.

"Manda come for coffee?" She asked knowing that she didn't want to ask Amanda in front of the others, she couldn't ask the boys till she knew the girls had said yes.

"Uh sure." Amanda Rollins replied knowing something was up instantly as Olivia never asked someone to go with her on a coffee run.

They walked in silence outside and down the block to the coffee house but once they left the coffee house with everyone's drink she decided to ask.

"So uh you know by now Bayard and I have set a date for the wedding." Olivia started and Amanda nodded with a soft smile on her face. "Well we're still in the early planning stages but anyway, Uh, I wanted to ask if you would… if you would be one of my bridesmaids."

Amanda came to a complete stop on the sidewalk and turned to look at Olivia who was nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

"You don't have too if you…"

"I would love to!" Amanda squealed and Olivia broke out in a wide grin to match the one that now adorned Amanda's face.

"Really?" She asked and Amanda nodded.

"I've never been a bridesmaid before." She grinned. "Wow Liv thank you for asking."

"No problem. Uh don't mention it to anyone till I've finished asking the others about their involvement in my wedding but uh you'll be bridesmaid along with Alex and Casey if they say yes and Molly and Melinda is my maid of honour." Olivia said as they finally began walking back to the precinct.

"Sure… wow this is so exciting!" Amanda put on a mock sing song voice making the Lieutenant laugh.

* * *

As guessed by Olivia it was the following day before she got the chance to see both Alex and Casey to ask them. They were in the one six finally after the Detectives and Olivia had worked tirelessly in apprehending the suspect and solving the case.

"Well he accepted fifteen to twenty five in a federal facility on the condition he testifies at his brother's trial and he has agreed." Alex said coming to meet Olivia, Casey and Don who had been watching her with Nick and Fin talking to the suspect.

"Good." Cragen said. "Good work everyone." He added before hurrying off.

Olivia knew she didn't have long because it was Wednesday and she and Cragen would have their usual date which meant they would be leaving in an hour.

"Yeah so guys have you got a minute?" Olivia asked and the two nodded and followed her through to an empty interrogation room.

"So what's up Liv?" Alex asked worrying about Olivia instantly.

"Nothing's wrong, so don't worry I just… will you two be my bridesmaids?" She asked quickly.

The ear splitting screams from the interrogation room from both Alex and Casey had the Detectives running from the bullpen into the interrogation room where ADA's had both dived onto Olivia and were cheering happily.

"I'll take that as a yes!" She laughed when they let go much to the confusion of the men watching the scene.

"That's a definite yes!" Alex smiled as she smoothed out her skirt.

"Oh yeah!" Casey cheered and Olivia smiled happily.

"Then that's sorted, thank you guys I'll let you know about dress shopping." Olivia smiled before walking out leaving the two and Amanda who had shown up to discuss it and the men to realise that they were no longer a part of the conversation taking place.


	3. Dining with the Devil

Due to a high profile case it was two weeks to the date Elliot had originally asked Olivia to join his family for a meal that they finally got to go.

Olivia was feeling particularly nervous as she planned her outfit for the evening with Bayard getting himself ready. It wasn't because of Elliot, she and him were back close to where they used to be but it was because of Kathy. The woman had long thought Elliot and Olivia were having some sort of sordid affair and Olivia was terrified she'd make something out of it at dinner or mention something to make Bayard suspicious and she was scared to say the least.

The dress she had chosen was simple in comparison to the many that now adorned her wardrobe. She had settled for a little black dress that she had owned long before Bayard Ellis walked into her life because she didn't want to make a big fuss out of her outfit when she knew she had to keep things low key, deflect any attention Elliot might give her.

Once she was wearing it she pulled on a matching pearl jewellery set consisting of a necklace, earrings and bracelet that were all just simple pearls, real of course but she couldn't help that. She then pulled her hair into a bun in the side of her head much like the one she'd worn to the second evening do she'd gone to with Bayard.

"Ready?" Molly asked coming into the bedroom where Olivia was applying the last touch of cherry lip gloss.

"Yeah." She said smacking her lips together once.

"Good because Dad said the car's here." Molly said handing Olivia's purse over to her.

Olivia nodded and quickly grabbed hold of the silver scarf she was wearing draped over her elbows just to keep the cold out and followed Molly out of the bedroom.

* * *

When they arrived at the restaurant Olivia was pleased to see Elliot, Kathy, Lizzie, Dickie and Eli already sat around the table.

Molly who was feeling unusually shy slipped her hand into Olivia's who gave it a gentle squeeze.

They were shown to the large circular table and Elliot introduced everyone to each other. Kathy politely hugged Olivia but it felt stiff and awkward.

"Livia!" Eli squealed and Olivia knelt down to meet him and hugged and kissed him softly.

Lizzie and Dickie pounced on Olivia as soon as she stood up.

"We've missed you." Dickie said before Lizzie could get the words out.

"So much." She managed as she wiped her tears.

"Hey Liz don't cry." Olivia said wiping the teenager's tears with her thumb.

"Sorry." Lizzie sniffed and half laughed before Elliot finally got his hug which he'd been waiting on.

Once they were all seated around the table and everyone had ordered the food it was Lizzie who got the conversation going.

"So Daddy says you're getting married Liv." Lizzie said.

"Yeah September twelfth." Olivia smiled glancing over at Bayard sat beside her.

"Wow that's a long time away." Lizzie continued.

"Yes but we've got so much planning to do Liz, we've only just booked the Church and Hotel, there's still a lot more to do." Olivia laughed softly.

"Where are you getting married?" Kathy asked making her way into the conversation.

"Trinity Church." Olivia smiled.

"Oh that's the one off Wall Street right?" Kathy asked.

"It's on the intersection of Wall Street and Broadway." Bayard corrected and Kathy just nodded.

"It's a beautiful Church Liv, I took a little drive by after you told me just to see what it was like." Elliot grinned cheekily and Olivia smiled.

"If you think the outside is beautiful you should see inside right Mom?" Molly smiled.

Molly calling Olivia Mom was a surprise to everyone but Bayard and Elliot. Kathy's eyes widened in shock Lizzie and Dickie just smiled and Eli was too young to notice or care. Elliot looked over at Olivia and the smile on her face said just how much she enjoyed hearing that name called to her.

"Right Mol." Olivia smiled.

"Why what's the inside like?" Lizzie asked and Olivia caught Kathy rolling her eyes, it was obvious she wasn't down with the wedding talk but Olivia wasn't going to stop Molly from telling Lizzie about it.

"Oh it's so beautiful Lizzie, there walls are blue and it has white pillars and it has this massive chandelier hanging from the ceiling and another smaller one closer to the alter, It has like twenty three bells and they're going to ring when Mom and Dad come out of the church just like in Cinderella…"

"Oh so you'll be quite the princess then Olivia?" Kathy said sarcastically but Olivia chose to ignore it and just bite back.

"Well the bells are after the choir we've got so yeah I guess I'll be just like a Disney Princess." Olivia replied and she felt Bayard's hand slip into hers under the table just as the food was served.

Olivia and Kathy had both hoped with the food being served that Lizzie and Molly would drop the wedding talk but neither one of them had that idea.

"They're going to have pictures taken all around the church and they're going to be so pretty." Molly gushed and Lizzie 'awwed'

"And the choir are going to sing after Mom and Dad are pronounced husband and wife and it's going to be so cool but we don't know what they're singing yet but Mom wants them wearing the same colour as the bridesmaids because she doesn't want them in black and she and Dad are paying for their outfits and ties for the men right Mom?"

"Yes Mol, but don't say too much you'll spoil the surprise." Olivia teased.

"Sorry…"

"It's ok Mol just eat your food please." Olivia told her glad that conversation was over for now but of course Kathy wouldn't let it rest.

"So after the church what are you doing?" Kathy asked acting innocently but Olivia knew it was going to be used in an argument against Elliot or to get under her skin and she wanted neither.

"The New York Palace in Midtown, we're going to be leaving from there to the church because when we come back from our honeymoon we'll be moving into our new house, so the old one will be empty by the time we get married." Olivia smiled, she loved the mere thought.

"The New York Palace, wow, are you doing a full wedding breakfast or are you having a late wedding?" Kathy pushed and Bayard and Elliot began talking quietly about sports.

"Early morning wedding actually, then yes a full wedding breakfast of course then it will be breaks for pictures with nibbles and champagne available and then there will be a buffet and a disco in the evening." Olivia explained feeling quite smug that she was getting the dream wedding.

"So when are you due?" Kathy asked.

Everyone's reaction was different. Olivia's mouth fell open in complete shock, Bayard spat out the wine he'd taken a sip of and Elliot began choking on whatever he'd eaten, Molly just looked confused, Dickie was too engrossed in his food to even realise what his mother had said and Lizzie squealed excitedly.

"You're P-p-p-pregnant?" Bayard asked.

"No!" Olivia replied firmly. "Of course I'm not, I'm on birth control you know that Bayard." Olivia replied grabbing her fiancé's hand above the table.

"Then why…"

"Because she thinks you only proposed because she was pregnant." Elliot replied, his face was like thunder.

"You should know Kathy that I've been engaged six months already, by the time I'm married this so called baby would be minimum three months old and for six months pregnant I'm not showing at all." Olivia hissed, she was so angry.

"So you're not pregnant Olivia?" Lizzie asked.

"No I'm not." Olivia replied, she and Bayard were going to stop her birth control two weeks before the wedding and then hope that during their honeymoon magic would happen as when they hit the six month mark Olivia cut him off wanting to keep their wedding night special.

"Are you ok Mom?" Molly asked, Olivia was teary eyed and gripping Bayard's hand tight in her own.

"No… Bayard can we leave?" She asked weakly.

"Liv…" Elliot started.

"I didn't come here to have your wife make me feel like crap Elliot." Olivia snapped getting to her feet. "I'll call the car." She said before walking off.

Molly automatically followed her Mother out of the restaurant while Bayard placed enough money on the table to cover everyone's food including the Stabler's before following his fiancé and daughter out the door.

Olivia was stood outside the door with Molly hugging her tight when Bayard came out. Bayard reached out and pulled the two into his arms but before the car came Elliot found them.

"Liv I'm sorry." Elliot started.

"Sorry?" Olivia snapped stepping away from her family to face her best friend. "Your wife is accusing me and Bayard of getting married because I'm pregnant! How do you think that makes me feel Elliot?"

"I know I'm sorry Liv I really am, but that's what it was like for her…"

"You may have married Kathy because of Catholic guilt and convenience but I would never…"

"I know Liv I know, he loves you, when I married Kathy I loved her too but not enough to marry her, now if I could I'd marry her all over again because I love her like that now but I know that Bayard and you are getting married for all the right reasons, Olivia, Kathy's just being a cow please ignore her?"

Olivia was glad that the car pulled up then.

"I'm sorry." She said to him before climbing into the back with Bayard and Molly.

"You ok Liv?" Bayard asked and Olivia just nodded before looking out the window again, she didn't know what to say or do in this situation.

The next morning was supposed to be the day Olivia started dress shopping with her bridesmaids however she called to cancel saying she wasn't feeling to well, the truth was, she didn't want to buy a dress when she was questioning getting married.

* * *

When Wednesday came around Olivia was more than happy because it meant her weekly trip to the cliff and dinner with Don. He knew there was something up. She'd been unusually quiet when she'd come back from her once a month weekend off and it was obvious to everyone something was on her mind even though Amanda had said she's been sick on Saturday and cancelled her wedding dress shopping spree.

At five O'clock Olivia was already sat in her coat with her purse ready to go and when Don came out of his office she jumped to her feet, quite the opposite to her normal reaction of 'let me finish this' or 'two minutes and I'm done'.

"Everything ok?" Don asked as soon as they exited the precinct.

"Fine, I'm just thinking of the Grace case." Olivia said. "It's done nothing but play on my mind since we got it." Olivia said not wanting to say anything else until they were at the cliff, she would still confide in Don but not until they were at the cliff.

The drive was silent which wasn't unusual, they often drove up in complete silence as they thought through what they were going to discuss at the cliff.

Once there the two went to the edge and sat down but it was obvious Olivia wasn't in much of a sharing mood. Her usual stone throwing was more violent than normal, Don could see her face scrunch up in frustration with every toss.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked after a while.

"No." She said as she threw another stone. "But I will." She sighed.

"Ok." Don said knowing that being patient was what was best, George had advised him on Olivia a long time ago.

"We had dinner with Elliot, Kathy and their youngest three." Olivia said and Don guessed it was something to do with dinner. "Kathy uh… well we were talking about the wedding and then Kathy asked me when I was due." Olivia said dropping the handful of rocks she had and Don watched them tumble down the edge of the cliff. "She thinks Bayard is marrying me because I'm pregnant." She explained and Don managed to hide the shock from his expression.

"Oh." He said.

"I know." Olivia sighed. "I just feel so… I don't know, I mean I'm not pregnant that's plainly obvious but …"

"Liv… whatever it is going through that head of yours, I can honestly tell you that you're wrong. Bayard loves you for a start, Molly loves you, this is a marriage made in heaven and you do deserve it." Don said as he could imagine what was going through Olivia's mind and he didn't want her to think like that.

"I'm scared." She whispered with tears shining in her brown eyes. "So scared."

"I'm sure you are, wedding planning and marriage is a big deal for anyone Olivia, I know how hard it can be, the jitters are there from the day you have the engagement ring until the day the wedding band is added." Don reassured her softly.

"I was supposed to go shopping for my dress this week, there's a shop just off 79th Broadway that does these one of a kind wedding gowns and yes they're expensive but I always liked the thought of that you know? A dress no one else would have ever worn. Anyway, I called the girls to cancel, after Kathy…" Olivia broke off, she couldn't explain this to Don. How could she explain that she felt Kathy had shown her that she wasn't meant to be loved, how she feared that the only reason Bayard was marrying her was because he wanted a Mom for Molly? She couldn't find it within her to voice those fears.

"Liv, Kathy is a bitter woman, she married out of convenience and not love and I don't know if they love each other now or if they did back then but if it hadn't been for Maureen then they wouldn't have married back then. She's also probably very jealous. You're getting the dream white wedding, everything every little girl dreams of whereas she had a quick wedding in a church with just family and close friends. I don't mean to speak ill of her, I love Elliot like a son but I never cared for that wife of his." Don told her softly.

"I don't think I'm made to be a wife." Olivia said weakly as she looked out to the horizon. "Or a mother for that matter."

"Liv you're being silly." Don told her gently but firmly. "Bayard would not have asked you to be his wife if he didn't love you and I'm sure Molly meant it when she bought you the mug for the office with World's Best Mommy on it. Honestly sweetie, in less than five and a half months you're going to be Mrs Bayard Ellis after celebrating your love and future in front of hundreds of well-wishers and you're going love everything about the day and the stress leading up to it is going to be worth it."

Tears tumbled down Olivia's cheeks. She was truly touched by Don's sentiment but also it was the fear that he was completely wrong that clouded her. A long time ago she'd been convinced that this wasn't supposed to happen to her, that she wasn't supposed to find love or happiness and that her destiny was to work sex crimes till she couldn't manage it because of age and retire to become a volunteer in a rape crisis phone centre. This was too much like a dream come true to even be considered a reality.


	4. Wedding Shopping with Friends

Olivia had been partly looking forward to Friday since the day after the fateful day with Kathy Stabler. Bayard had decided they needed some time with just the two of them preparing something for the wedding and they had decided to go and find their wedding bands.

They had already discussed what they wanted, Olivia allowed Bayard to make the final choice as it was something she always thought the man was supposed to do but he had asked for her opinion on every choice he made.

As they walked down to the jewellers where the rings would be made especially for the couple Olivia wondered how much thought and effort Bayard had put into the engagement ring glistening on her finger. It was an exquisite ring. It had a quite large flower cut one carat solitaire diamond in the centre encased in a four point eighteen carat gold claw on an eighteen carat gold band with the word 'forever' engraved on the inside as it was the brand of the ring but still it was also romantic. Munch, with his excellent Diamond knowledge estimated the rock alone to have cost about six thousand dollars and like he said, that was without the price of the band on which the diamond sat.

At the store Olivia was feeling pretty excited and she couldn't stop the smile from fixing itself on her face. Bayard kept an arm around her the whole time except for when he wanted to pick up and inspect a ring.

"Liv is this something like what you wanted?" Bayard asked showing off a ring.

"It's beautiful. Yes." Olivia smiled, it was exactly what she had envisioned.

"Ok so I want this with the word 'Always' and nine, twelve, twenty twelve in figures." Bayard said as Olivia went to find his wedding ring, she knew what he wanted and she knew she was going to find it so she missed him saying what he was going to have engraved on the inside.

When Olivia found it she showed it to Bayard and he smiled, she had a great eye for detail and a great ear too and she'd found the ring he'd described to her.

They paid the deposit and accepted the receipt for when to come and pick them up and left feeling quite satisfied. Olivia more so because now she was sure that Bayard wanted to marry her despite what Kathy had said, she felt a new found hatred towards the woman.

"Right now Ms Benson you are going to meet Molly, Melinda, Amanda, Casey and Alexandra who are waiting for you at that little wedding boutique." Bayard surprised her by saying.

"Bayard…"

"Princess, you have to go buy your dress, or at least try some on sooner rather than later. Go and have fun and don't drink too much." Bayard smiled and Olivia gave him a confident smile back before hailing a cab and going to meet her friends.

Because the colour scheme had been chosen already there was a lot less work to do than first anticipated. Once the dresses would be sorted then it would be another thing to take off the ever expanding planning list.

The truth was it wasn't just wedding jitters on Olivia's mind anymore. Between the caterers and hotel staff and florist she knew that the most important day of her life would probably also be the most enjoyable.

* * *

Three hours the girls had been sitting in the boutique so far. Olivia had tried on a variety of dresses but she hadn't found one that she liked or one that suited her. She continued to go through rack after rack when she finally saw one that she really liked.

"This one?" She showed the women without trying it on.

"That's so pretty Mom." Molly gushed.

"You've said that about every one of them." Amanda said making everyone laugh softly.

"Miss Benson I'm afraid this dress is a two because the amount of fabric we had to have imported, they wouldn't ship out enough material for any bigger sizes." The manager explained.

Olivia felt the tears sting her eyes. She knew that this dress was the one and this was what she was going to wear to walk down the aisle but she wasn't sure if she could drop from a six to two in five months.

"Uh ok… well I guess I'm a diet." Olivia shrugged, she would be wearing the dress she wanted even if it killed her.

The store manager just smiled broadly, Olivia wasn't the first bride to find her dream one of a kind dress and have to diet to get into it.

"How long until the wedding?" The Manager asked.

"Five months." Olivia said, more than enough time to drop down two dress sizes.

"Ok, so are we looking for bridesmaid dresses today?" The Manager continued.

"No." Olivia said softly, that was for another day and another store.

* * *

The next few days passed quickly with Olivia working and not having any time to stress out about the wedding. She'd already begun to crash diet determined to drop the two dress sizes sooner rather than later. Her meals were literally rabbit food, a few pieces of celery, lettuce and carrot sticks with some water. She was already snapping at everyone for the lack of caffeine in her body and everyone tried to understand but it wasn't easy.

On Monday morning Olivia met with Elliot in the diner after his very heartfelt apology on Kathy's behalf. He knew she was up to something as soon as she ordered two slices of wholemeal toast rather than her usual pancakes or waffles and a glass of ice water instead of coffee.

"Toast?" Elliot asked.

"Yes." Olivia replied wondering why he was questioning her, she was doing well on the strict diet of no more than one thousand calories a day.

"And Water?" He continued.

"Yeah…"

"How come?" He asked instantly, he had always been nosy into Olivia's life.

"How come what?"

"How come the toast and water instead of golden waffles dripping in syrup with a nice sugar filled coffee?" Elliot emphasised.

"My wedding dress is too small." Olivia explained. "So I need to drop a few pounds before the wedding."

"Ok." Elliot nodded knowing every woman dieted before her wedding so it was completely normal. "Just try and eat a balanced diet Liv, so many women get sick because of stupid crash diets."

"I know El, and I'm not stupid so I'll be careful."

After saying goodbye to Elliot it was off to the precinct where she got straight to work on an infant murder case, three year old who'd collapsed in day care due to shaken baby syndrome and had died from internal bleeding. It was a hard case and it hit all of them hard.

"You ok Liv?" Don asked when the team had broken for a lunch break at two pm, Olivia was still sat at her desk hammering away at the keyboard.

"One pp want this report in by Friday, I thought when I was going to be helping you as Lieutenant not doing the work for you." She teased and Don laughed.

"Not having lunch?" Don asked.

"I was hungry earlier so I had a sandwich between interviews." She lied, now this wasn't something she was planning on becoming a habit, but she had so much work to get on with and she didn't feel hungry so it was easier to lie than make up some other lame excuse.

"Ok." Don nodded unsure what to say or do about it. "Well I'll leave you to your report."

Olivia watched Don make his way back to his office and then turned back to her computer, if he was suspicious about anything then she wouldn't find out about it till Wednesday and that didn't bother her, the longer he would stay off the scent of her stupid crash diet the better it would be for her in the long run.

The truth was Olivia was already happy with the results on the scale, she'd already dropped three pounds and if she continued like this she would lose more than enough weight before the wedding.

Don however watched her through the blinds of his office, he knew she was lying through her teeth when she said she'd already eaten, he didn't know what she was up to but he was as sure as hell going to find out and that was going to happen with the help of one man. He went over to his desk and picked up his phone knowing if anyone would be able to get through to Olivia before things went too far it would be him, he always knew how to get under her skin and inside her head.

The bullpen was alive with action the next day with the Detectives having brought in every adult who had access to the toddler's life in the hopes of finding the man or woman who shook her to the point she died.

No one noticed the small Chinese man that entered the familiar bullpen and made a beeline for the Captain's office.

"Hey George." Don smiled broadly. "How's San Antonio?"

"Different." George replied, he was working with some of the largest states trying to build up a programme for sex offenders in the hopes of figuring out whether or not they would re-offend. "Missing you lot though, I've only got six weeks left in Texas before I'm done and I'm back to you lot and New York."

"That's great." Don smiled, he was proud of the FBI psychiatrist as much as he was his own squad.

"Ok so spill what's Liv up to now that had you calling me?" George asked going straight to the window to watch the Lieutenant hammer away at her keyboard again.

"She's dieting." Don said coming to stand next to the shrink.

"You called me because she's dieting?" George asked frowning.

"Not just dieting, skipping meals and lying about it. Could there be something more wrong?" Don asked.

"It's possible, why is she dieting?" George questioned.

"My guess is something to do with the big white September wedding." Don said and George smiled, he knew everything about the wedding from phone calls and emails he shared with a woman he would confidently call his best friend.

"Ah well that's normal, every bride tries to lose some weight before their big day." George told the aging man beside him.

"So what? I'm worrying over nothing?" Don asked his eyes still fixed on Olivia's silhouette.

"No, all I can recommend is keep a close eye on her, if she becomes withdrawn, agitated, then pull her up about it, with someone like Olivia the only thing I think would work in a situation like that is if someone confronted her with the facts of what she'd done or doing. Her eyes may become sullen and she may look sicker because of the sudden weight loss and that shouldn't happen, it will happen if she's losing weight unhealthily but all I can tell you is keep an eye on her." George explained as best he could and Don nodded.

"We still go out every Wednesday, I'd like to see how hard she tries to hide it when we're in a restaurant together and then I'm going to her fiancé's place for dinner on Sunday, so I guess I have easier means of watching what she eats." Don said.

"You go to her place on Sunday's?" George asked in surprise.

"Her fiancé's once a month or so. They're doing things the old fashioned way and aren't living together properly until they're married and they're currently house hunting for Olivia's dream house." Don chuckled.

"That's great." George smiled. "I didn't see Olivia as much of a traditionalist, I guess I was wrong."

"Very wrong. But only in this sense." Don chuckled.

"She looks happy." George noted as he continued to watch her, now she was on the phone with someone personal from the way she was wrapping her finger around the cord and throwing her head back in a laugh.

"She is." Don replied. "I mean, she has a few bumps every now and again but that's normal."

"Of course it is." George smiled. "Now how about seeing if I can drag Olivia out for something to eat, I could do with a catch up with my girl."

The two men laughed before making their way into the bullpen. As soon as Olivia lifted her head and saw the shrink she smiled and stood up to hug him.

"Oh God it's so good to see you." Olivia said as she hugged her friend tight, if it wasn't for him then she wouldn't have approached Olivet when she needed help more than anything else in the world.

"It's good to see you to Liv." George replied hugging Olivia back just as tight.

"Liv why don't you take off with George, have some time to catch up and I'll see you tomorrow." Don smiled.

"Uh sure thing Cap." Olivia smiled grabbing her coat. "I'll see you tomorrow."

The two headed off out and George instantly decided he would see how Olivia was with him around.

"I am starving." He said and Olivia laughed softly. "I really am, have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah I had a sandwich earlier." Olivia replied with a shrug, it was half the truth, she'd in facet enjoyed a slice of wholemeal bread with light butter.

"Only a sandwich? Seriously Liv?" He questioned in a teasing manner, he didn't want her to think that he knew anything else was going on.

"Fine, come on I know this great place just round the corner." Olivia laughed, seeing as all she'd had all day was the piece of bread, a small salad wouldn't harm her diet in anyway.

At the restaurant George ordered his usual burger and fries, for a small man he could definitely eat, and Olivia ordered a small chicken salad with vignette dressing which she ate at snail's pace taking one small mouthful and chewing for a long time as she listened to George talk about his work in San Antonio completely oblivious to the fact he was watching her every move including the pushing the food around the plate and avoiding the chicken.

"Not hungry?" He questioned as she put down her knife and fork.

"Nope, told you I had a sandwich earlier." Olivia shrugged and George smiled and nodded pretending he completely understood.

"Ok well Madam we have the whole afternoon to do whatever we want so what are you up to doing?" George asked, he was now concerned and he wanted to somehow see if there was anything more going on with her that she had failed to mention in her near daily emails and weekly phone calls.

"Uh… well if you're up for a bit of wedding talk and shopping I really need to go to the florist and begin discussing the bouquets and table decore." Olivia said and George grinned and nodded, he'd been afraid that he would miss all of Olivia's pre-wedding planning because of his commitments in other states.

"I'd love too!" He squealed excitedly

Olivia covered the bill and then she and George jumped into the car to go to the florist. He questioned her gently about the wedding plans and the honeymoon and moving house just to try and establish her feelings towards her wedding and so far all he had read on her face and body language was excitement, joy and a few nerves.

"Miss Benson it's good to see you again." Katya the florist smiled as Olivia and George walked into the florists.

"Hi Katya, this is my best friend George who will be walking my maid of honour down the aisle at my wedding. George this is Katya the amazing florist who is doing all the flowers for the wedding, bouquets, table decors and awing." Olivia smiled as she introduced them to each other.

"Nice to meet you." George smiled.

"So Katya I have some time off work so can we by any chance…"

"Of course!" Katya smiled, she was as excited about Olivia's wedding as anyone, not only was she invited as a guest to the whole ceremony with her plus one but she would be quoted in all the magazines and Olivia's wedding would probably be the biggest pay day her small florist had ever had and ever would have.

"That's great." Olivia smiled.

"So remind me what the colours are? I need the damn file." Katya laughed as she went through the file Olivia and she had put together the first time Olivia had approached her about the wedding.

"Eggplant, Olivia and Dark Olive." Olivia replied with a grin, she'd fallen in love with the colours as soon as she'd seen them in the 'fall wedding guide' magazine that she'd treated herself too just after they set the date.

"Of course, beautiful colours." Katya smiled bringing the file over to the counter. "Ok so let's see what flowers you've said yes and no to and then I'll throw something small together for you to get some ideas and you can mix it up and change it till we've got it right, I have no appointments this afternoon and if any calls come in Carla can deal with them."

"Great." Olivia smiled giving George's hand a squeeze in her excitement.

"Ok so no to daisies you made that clear." Katya chuckled a little. "You want something exotic?"

"Absolutely but then again I don't know if exotic is right for a church fall wedding?" Olivia looked at George who thought for a moment.

"No, scrap exotic and go traditional with an exotic hint." George replied and Olivia nudged him and grinned.

"I've missed you." She chuckled.

"I know." He laughed teasingly.

An hour later and Olivia had finally put together the bridesmaids' bouquets. Molly would have the smallest bouquet and then Melinda would have the biggest apart from Olivia's and Casey, Amanda, and Alex would have the same size but all three bouquets would be near identical except for size.

The bridesmaid's bouquets were mainly eggplant sprayed roses and lilies, light olive coloured orchids and dark olive coloured grass loops that would almost cage the bouquet. To finish the bouquets would be held together in a eggplant ribbon.

In the process of completing the bridesmaids bouquets Olivia, George and Katya also managed to create the women's corsages which would consist of one rose and two orchids with eggplant ribbon and the men's buttonholes which would consist of one eggplant lily and two dark olive grass loops on either side tied in an olive ribbon to match their waistcoats.

"You're amazing Katya!" Olivia smiled hugging the woman as she admired the finished product that the three had created with Katya's expertize, Olivia's vision and George's humour.

"It's not a problem Olivia, this is supposed to be the first and last time you ever get married, it's supposed to be perfect. I'll create some designs for the tables and awning with what we've done already but I will not touch your bouquet without you ok?"

"That's perfect Katya, snap some pictures and text them to me, I may be able to help from a distant." Olivia chuckled.

Leaving the florists three hours after arriving Olivia and George made their way over to Olivia's apartment for a glass of wine and some chit chat. George so far had found nothing in Olivia's behaviour to suggest there was a problem but he had noticed the subtle weight loss and how she had used many tricks found on pro-ana websites around him at dinner, yet he didn't think she was an anorexic either.

Whatever it was he hoped she would figure it out before it was too late.


	5. Collapsed Confession

Days quickly turned into weeks and Olivia found herself with only four and a half months to go till her wedding day. She was completely filled with mixed emotions about the day but also about much more. She had lost a lot of weight and was now a size three. However, she looked sick, her friends and family were concerned about her and she spent hours hiding the fact that she barely ate more than five hundred calories per day and spent three hours a day in the gym.

Everything else for the wedding was coming along too. The men's suits were all ready and paid for and each individual had the joy of taking care of it themselves. They would be wearing grey tailcoats and trouser suit, Olivia had a strict no black clothing policy for her wedding, their shirts were white and their waistcoats were olive with eggplant cravats. At first Olivia had imagined it to be disgusting until George wore the outfit for her to see and she found it was perfect and settled with it.

The bridesmaids' dresses were also bought and those were being kept at Olivia's apartment so that Bayard couldn't see them. Molly's dress was knee high, the only dress that wasn't skimming the floor. She along with Melinda would be wearing Eggplant dresses while the others wore Olive dresses. The dresses were all made from silk and were near enough the exact same simple strapless design except for Melinda's which was halter neck with a v neck line and a ruffle coat all the way from the valley of her breasts till they met at the back of her head. Simple but elegant.

The jewellery was all bought and paid for including Olivia's stunning crystal and pearl headband. She'd had three appointments with the hair stylist and now she knew exactly what her up-do would look like with the headband and veil.

Invites had long gone out with most RSVP's already being returned as most had the date on their calendar before their invite even arrived.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and Olivia was impatient to go with Don to the cliff. She wanted to invite him along to the tasting session at the hotel on Sunday as the menu was slowly being put together for the day and Olivia needed some outside advice as she knew exactly what she and Bayard would go for but then it didn't mean that everyone else would.

They drove up in silence both lost in their own thoughts. Don was worrying and he knew he had to now pull up those worries with Olivia, the problem was, he knew she wouldn't take it well.

At the cliff Olivia talked first, she asked him about the wedding plans and he agreed and disagreed where necessary, he loved seeing her so excited.

"So what's been on your mind since we've been up here, you've looked… distracted." Olivia said as she tossed a rock and found herself having to take a deep breath to calm the dizziness in her head.

"You're worrying me." Don whispered as Olivia snapped her head to look at him and trying to hide the second wave of dizziness that had her rattled.

"Why?" She asked with a frown.

"You're too thin Liv and… and I don't know how you've gotten to be so thin or why." Don told her gently.

She laughed it off making him frown.

"Don I have to fit into my wedding dress, there's only one and it's a size two and I will fit into it as long as I lose a little bit more weight, once I'm there I just need to manage the weight and then after the wedding the pounds will pile on once again." Olivia said calmly, it was the whole truth.

"Are you eating at all Liv?" He asked and she stared.

"Of course I am." Olivia snapped.

"So what did you have today?" Don asked her.

"I had two rounds of toast for breakfast and a small pasta salad for lunch."

She had eaten this, but not that morning, more like four days ago which was exactly when she ate more than carrot sticks but she couldn't tell him that without freaking him out, she knew the way she was losing weight wasn't healthy but she needed to lose it, it wasn't like she was killing herself. She wasn't anorexic, she loved her body before but she loved it even more now knowing she would fit into her dream dress.

"Let's go to the restaurant Liv, I've said all I had." Don said getting to his feet.

Liv jumped to her feet and took a couple of steps towards the car before she stopped. Her vision had gone funny and she knew being at a cliff edge she had to be really careful.

"Liv?" Don asked grabbing her hand softly.

"What?" She asked dropping her head down she knew she couldn't look at him properly without him seeing that something was wrong.

"You ok?" He asked gently.

"Yeah just stood up too quick." She lied and he knew it wasn't the truth.

"Let me get you some water…"

"I can get it myself." She snapped, she'd been snapping more and more at people lately so Don didn't take it personally, according to Huang it was because her body was probably not getting the right nutrients because of the diet.

Olivia took only two steps towards the car before her legs buckled beneath her and she fell crashing to the ground.

"Olivia!" Don gasped rushing over to her while he ripped his cell phone from his pocket and dialled nine one one. "This is Captain Donald Cragen Manhattan special victims I need an ambulance at Rock Mountain Peak, Caucasian female age thirty six collapsed her name is Lieutenant Olivia Benson."

He then dropped his phone and rolled Olivia into him so he could pull her up into his arms, he knew they were quite a way from civilisation so the ambulance would take a while and he was terrified because he didn't know what was wrong with her.

"Come on Liv open those pretty brown eyes for me." He said as he brushed her hair clumsily from her face.

For the first time he could see how pale she was. It was shocking to see her usual olive skin ghostly white and the deep dark hollowness under her eyes.

"B..ayard." Olivia mumbled her body momentarily going stiff before going limp again.

Don grabbed his phone again and searched for Bayard's number, he knew he had it and once he found it he knocked the call button.

"Ellis." He answered.

"Bayard it's Don Cragen, I'm up at the cliff with Olivia she's collapsed we're just waiting on an ambulance."

"Collapsed?" He panicked instantly. "Don what happened?"

"I don't know Bayard we were talking then she stood up and she got dizzy said she just stood up to fast and then I offered to get her some water she snapped at me and said she would get it herself and she took a couple of steps before crashing to the floor." Don explained his heart hammering harder in his chest.

"She's been having dizzy spells for a while and been moody with people, snapping for no reason and stuff Don, the only person she's not snapped at is Molly." Bayard explained hurriedly. "Which hospital will you be at?"

"uh closest hospital is … Saint Mary's…"

"Jersey?"

"Yeah." Don replied.

"Ok I'll meet you there."

"Call Fin he can bring you to meet us light and sirens…"

"Thanks."

Don hung up just as the sound of sirens filled the air and he was relieved knowing an ambulance was close.

"Come on Liv, stay with me the ambulance is nearly here." He said pushing more of her hair from her face.

When the ambulance arrived the EMT's threw questions at Don Cragen as they put Olivia on oxygen and strapped her to a gurney.

"She's tachy and dehydrated let's get an IV into her in the bus and get to St Mary's." One EMT said.

Don had a split second to think, Olivia's car was there and he had to think whether to drive her car behind the ambulance or be in the ambulance with Olivia.

"Sir are you riding along?"

"Yes." Don replied, he could send Munch and Fin to get Olivia's car later.


	6. Torn Dress, Ripped Heart

Don climbed out of the ambulance just as Olivia was rolled away he bumped into Bayard and Fin.

"They'll tell us what happened as soon as they can." Don explained to the worried fiancé.

He just nodded and swallowed hard, he couldn't believe this, he knew with Olivia's job the risks that she could get shot but she hadn't been working, this wasn't a job related illness that had caused her to collapse and he didn't know how to handle that.

Munch had picked up Molly and bought her to the hospital and Don had explained the situation about Olivia's car in which they left immediately to get.

"Dad when will we know what's wrong with Mom?" Molly asked as she sat on her father's knee for the first time since she was a toddler.

"I don't know Molly, I guess as soon as the doctors know." Bayard sighed, it was killing him.

Don sat beside them just as worried, he'd sent a text to George Huang who was on his way and he had informed Cragen he had his suspicions at what was wrong with her but would have to wait and see if he was right, Don wasn't surprised, the psychiatrist knew Olivia better than she knew herself.

The doctor came over to them and the three hurried to stand up.

"Family of Olivia Benson?"

"I'm her fiancé, our daughter and her Captain." Bayard said hurriedly, he just wanted to know what was wrong with Olivia.

"I'm Doctor Carlisle, Miss Benson…"

"Lieutenant." Molly interrupted remembering Olivia telling her how she had earned her title and thought that being called Miss made her sound like an elementary school teacher which she didn't become.

"Apologies, Lieutenant Benson's body is suffering from severe malnourishment, she's also dehydrated. When we got her to come around and explained to her that we were putting a feeding tube in she panicked and said something about a dress but she was fighting us badly so we had to sedate her. Until she puts on a few pounds we can't discharge her I'm afraid her body is so weak from lack of vitamins and minerals and just food in general. We have her on IV vitamins, IV fluid and a feeding tube, we may have to keep her sedated or restrained because we know that she's going to wake up and try and pull out the feeding tube. We also will need her to talk to the resident shrink and make sure that she isn't suffering from Anorexia."

Molly, Bayard and Don listened to every word the doctor said. Neither man could understand what he was really saying. Olivia Benson, Malnourishment, Anorexia, those words didn't even go in the same sentence together but here they were listening to those words in a sentence together.

"Olivia's psychiatrist is on his way, I know she would prefer to talk to him." Don said and Bayard nodded in agreement.

"Well seeing as Mr Ellis is down as her next of kin and first medical proxy then it is his decision." The Doctor said.

"George will talk to Liv." Bayard said. "Now can I see my fiancé?"

"Of course, however we do need to decide whether or not to keep her sedated while she recovers or restrain her." The Doctor said.

Bayard thought long and hard, he knew he wasn't leaving Olivia's side and she needed to be told what had happened and not kept asleep till she put on some weight.

"Don, I want her handcuffed, not restrained hospital wise." Bayard said.

"Bayard? Are you sure?"

"Yes." He nodded firmly. "If she thinks it's us that isn't allowing her to rip it out she may lay down and listen to us, I… I don't want to lose her because she's so desperate to fit into the stupid wedding dress!"

A firm hand grasped his shoulder and Bayard was relieved to see George Huang.

"She's going to be alright Bayard." He reassured. "Doctor could you please call Doctor Elizabeth Olivet department of Mental health and psychiatry at Mercy General, she is Olivia's primary psychiatrist. Don, Bayard's right if she's handcuff she isn't going to rebel against them, she'll let you explain to her about the tube but I do know she has got it into her head that she can lose the weight. We also need the dress, she's not going to fit into it and so I think it's just fitting that we tear it up in front of her so that she sees there's no dress to lose the weight for."

"How long will she be sedated for?" Bayard asked.

"She'll be out for a couple more hours." The doctor said calmly.

"I want her transferred to Mercy General."

"Bayard…"

"No George, she needs to be in New York with Olivet and Doctor Eliza Sackville her primary physician for the past six months." Bayard replied. "All this information will be in her file and I want her transported to Mercy General's privet ward, we pay good money for the best insurance for a reason." He was trying to keep calm and failing, he and Olivia had taken out a very exclusive insurance policy when they got engaged knowing the dangers of Olivia's job they wanted a physician who knew Olivia's body inside and out who would be paged in any emergency. "Doc Eliza is already on standby but she isn't licensed to practise outside of New York where her practise is."

Olivia's doctor sighed and rubbed his chin as he thought everything through in his head.

"Sir Lieutenant Benson isn't really stable enough to be transported, if her tachycardia returns en route then she might not make it, however, if her physician agrees to meet us on the border of New York and New Jersey then I will compromise by travelling with you by ambulance to the border and the other Doctor can take over, I must insist however that Lieutenant Benson is kept sedated for the entire journey as not to startle or panic her." It was the only thing he could think of because he knew that Bayard was insistent and would not back down.

"Bayard?" George asked calmly.

"I can't lose her." He whispered trying to think which option was best. "But she needs Eliza."

"I'll ride with her, you take the car with Molly." George told him. "You know I won't let anything happen to her."

Bayard nodded and looked at the doctor.

"I want her transported."

Within the hour the plan was put in motion. George, Dr Carlisle, Olivia and two EMT's were loaded into the ambulance at Saint Mary's Hospital in New Jersey. Throughout the journey the FBI shrink and the Doctor kept close eyes on Olivia's vital stats to make sure that her body wouldn't go into any form of shock.

Bayard, Molly and Don travelled in Bayard's car while Fin and Munch went to get Olivia's car from the cliff. Bayard drove carefully despite the panic he felt. He kept right up behind the ambulance which was also driving to the speed limit with only the lights but no sirens.

As soon as they were out of the Holland Tunnel the ambulance pulled over and while Doctor Carlisle jumped out Olivia's primary Doctor Eliza Sackville climbed in.

"Right tell me everything." Eliza said to George picking up Olivia's chart from Saint Mary's.

George looked at the fair haired older Doctor, he could see why Olivia chose her for her primary, the woman was a little older and had such a soft look about her but when necessary got straight down to work.

"She's suffering from severe malnourishment from weeks of not eating properly, her body's suffering from lack of nutrients and some mild dehydration. She's already got a feeding cannula in place and is on IV Vitamins and IV Saline." George explained hurriedly, he knew the doctor needed all the information in time to treat her patient.

"We need a high dosage of vitamin C on standby." She said into her radio and George gave her a nod in the affirmative, he knew that the lack of vitamin C in Olivia's body would make her more susceptible to infections and other illnesses and that it was the one thing she would most likely suffer from at a hospital if her immune system was weak. "The last thing we need is for her to catch a cold while her body is this weak."

At the hospital George, the EMT's and Dr Eliza wheeled Olivia off to trauma just to get her vitamin C shots and processed before taking her up to the privet room that Bayard and Olivia paid good money for when and if any of them would ever need it.

Bayard had called Casey and Amanda and asked them to call by Olivia's apartment to get the wedding dress, he told them where the spare key was hidden so they could get inside and they were more than happy to oblige.

It took nearly two hours before Bayard, Molly and Don were shown to Olivia's room where she was still sedated.

"How much longer till she wakes up?" Molly asked Dr Eliza.

"A couple of hours sweetie, she was given some more sedative so she wouldn't wake up in the ambulance." Dr Eliza explained softly. "Your Mom will be ok honey don't you worry, she's in the best place."

"Thank you." Molly whispered before rushing over to her Mother's side and taking her hand in her own.

"Cuff her." Bayard said to Don without even looking at him.

"Are you sure?" Don asked, he understood what Bayard was doing but he wasn't sure he was happy about it.

"Yes." Bayard nodded just as there was a knock on the door.

Amanda and Casey walked in with a dress bag and Bayard sighed, he was about to see what all the fuss had been about and he wasn't sure he could handle it.

"Hang it up there." He said pointing to the picture rail right in front of the bed. "Take it out of the bag."

Neither Amanda nor Casey questioned him, they just did as he asked because they knew it was for Olivia's benefit.

He choked back a sob when he saw the full dress. It was beautiful and he could see why Olivia had fallen in love with it but then when he saw how tiny the waist was he felt physically sick, it was so tiny and Olivia used to be such a curvaceous woman.

"It's ok." Don told him softly.

"I need scissors." Bayard said keeping himself composed.

Doctor Eliza walked over to a locked drawer and took out the key before digging through it, she had worked out what Bayard was going to do and she didn't blame him, she would have done exactly the same thing or recommended it however she wasn't a shrink.

Bayard took the scissors that were being handed to him and looked at the dress. He momentarily closed his eyes and imagined Olivia's curvaceous body in the dress, fitting her perfectly where she didn't need to diet to fit into it and it brought a tear to his eye, she was beautiful just the way she was and she didn't need to be on this crusade of hers to fit into a damn dress, she would look beautiful marrying him in a bin bag and he wasn't about to let her kill herself to fit into a dress.

The anger boiled through him and he stabbed the dress violently with the scissors. Everyone just stood by and watched while the dress Olivia had almost killed herself trying to fit into was torn to shreds. When Bayard finally began to sob Don and Huang restrained him somewhat to stop him hurting himself and held him while he fell to his knees in a crumbling mess.

"You don't want Olivia to see you like this." Don told him softly.

"Come on you can pull yourself together." Huang reassured.

"Yeah." Bayard sniffed and finally dropped the scissors.

Three hours later a cuffed Olivia began to wake up.

"Mom!" Molly was the first to notice and jump to her feet.

"Mol…" She groaned and he hand was trying to go to her head when she felt the cold metal of the handcuff against her wrist. "What the…" She opened her eyes wide open and she looked at the other wrist to find that one cuffed to.

"It's ok Liv." Bayard soothed.

"Do you want to start explaining to me why my wrists are cuffed to the bed or why it feels like someone shot me?" She asked laying her head back on the pillow and closing her eyes.

"It's too make sure you can't pull out your feeding tube Liv…"

"No!" She yelled. "Get it out of me…" She began to struggle hard against the bed.

Don quickly took Molly by the shoulders and led her out of the room, the last thing she needed was to see Olivia breaking.

"No I said… No get it off me!" She was struggling hard and panicking, her heart monitor beeped loudly and fast while the handcuffs cut into her wrists. "Get it out of me!" She yelled still thrashing hard.

Elizabeth Olivet and Eliza Sackville rushed in.

"Five milligrams of Haldol." Elizabeth called from where she was pinning Olivia's shoulders to the bed with two nurses who had followed the Doctors in.

Eliza Sackville quickly sorted out an injection and stabbed it into the still thrashing Olivia, she was freaking out and it wasn't doing her any good at all to be in the position she was.

It took seconds for Olivia's body to go limp once again and Elizabeth dropped her head into her hands and shook her head while Eliza cupped her hand over her mouth unsure what to do. Bayard just shook in shock while Don who had come in after taking Molly out to their awaiting friends looked on in horror.

"I want to leave her for an hour then when she comes round again I want no one in the room but George and myself." Elizabeth said.

"I need to be here." Eliza whispered, she wasn't used to dealing with psychotic patients.

"Ok." Elizabeth agreed. "I want her in hospital fitted restraints and these wrists bandaged up, the handcuffs have cut her skin and I don't want it happening again."

* * *

When Olivia came round a second time she was a lot less lucid than she was the first time. Bayard knew it was something to do with the second injection Olivet had administered while Olivia was still out but he wasn't complaining at least his future wife wouldn't thrash about this time.

He was asked to leave the room and Olivia sat in the bed with Eliza, Elizabeth and George sat around her.

"Do you know where you are?" Elizabeth asked as she was the shrink evaluating Olivia.

"Mercy General." Olivia replied her eyes closed as she felt a little bit humiliated being in a hospital gown, in restraints with two doctors around her.

"Who am I?"

"Doctor Elizabeth Olivet, my shrink, my friend, and resident psychiatrist at Mercy General Hospital." Olivia replied statically.

"Who is your primary physician?"

"Doctor Eliza Sackville." Olivia sighed, these questions were pointless.

"Why are you in hospital?"

"No idea." Olivia replied still sounding as bored as she had previously. "Something tells me it's something to do with my diet since you have a feeding tube in me." She hissed angrily.

"Olivia if you open your eyes and look forward there's something you need to see." Elizabeth said, the sooner they go the shock of the now broken wedding dress out of the way the better.

Slowly Olivia opened her eyes and turned her head. She was already shivering from the adrenaline but when her eyes fell upon what was once her dream wedding dress she freaked out.

"No!" She screamed. "My dress!"

"I know Olivia." Olivet soothed as she clutched Olivia's restrained hand. "I know it's hard to see but you need to see it."

"My dress… I'm getting married and that was… oh my God… my dress…" She hiccupped as her body became wracked with sobs, now wasn't the time for talking, as confusing as it would be for the regular person Olivia Benson needed to grieve.


	7. Olivia's Inner Secret

**Thanks for all your love and support with this story guys.**

Olivia had been hospital a week and had finally gained enough weight to be considered healthy. She'd been eating decently and with the help of the feeding tube she'd gained the weight back. After being hospital for three days she's asked Amanda to bring her in an Alexander McQueen wedding dress catalogue so she could hunt for a new dress, she had found one and had been on the phone to the store getting more beading and jewels added to it so that it was the exact dress she wanted and she knew in one week that it would be ready.

She wasn't quite ready to leave the hospital though, physically, she was fine, however between Elizabeth Olivet and Eliza Sackville they'd managed to make it look like she was physically unable to leave knowing that she would walk out of the door and possibly regress to her old ways and mentally she needed a little more time.

"Hey Liv." Elizabeth smiled coming into Olivia's room where she was curled up in bed pretending to be asleep, Olivet could tell the difference between sleeping and faking.

"Hi." She whispered and then pushed herself up to sitting.

"How are you today?" She asked softly.

"Wanting to go home as I have for the past week." Olivia snapped, she wasn't in the mood to be kind. "I've put on a stone in the past week because I've been chained to the bed and been forced to eat four times more than the normal female consumption of calories per day."

"It's for your own good Liv, the feeding tube has gone now and the only thing that's going into your body is what you put into it." Elizabeth told her.

"I know that." Olivia snapped crossing her arm. "But maybe I'd eat more if the food was more appetizing. I mean that nutritionist doesn't know what chocolate or donuts are which is all I've craved since I put on the first two pounds."

"I'm sure I can organise someone to bring you chocolate and donuts." Elizabeth smiled, it was the first time Olivia had voiced her want for high calorie foods, she may have craved them but she hadn't told anyone because Olivet knew that everyone would have rallied around to bring her anything she wanted food wise.

"I want fries and bacon too." Olivia said with the hint of a smile.

"So how about I arrange for dinner this evening you get fries and bacon followed by a chocolate coated donut?" Olivet asked.

"And a caffeine filled coffee?"

"And coffee." Olivet smiled, this was more the Olivia she knew.

"Liz…" Olivia said nervously. "When… when can I go home?"

"I don't know yet Liv, you'll go home when you're ready." Elizabeth reassured.

"I'm getting married in four months." Olivia sighed dropping her head back into the pillow. "I have so much to organise, my dress isn't ready, the food, the flowers need to be finished and then there's still all the remaining RSVP's to sort, the table settings… I've got so much to do and none of it can be done from here Liz… I need to go home." Olivia explained her eyes closed in embarrassment that she was desperate to leave.

"I'm sure you do Liv but we wouldn't keep you here if you're going to get better." Elizabeth explained.

"Have I been committed?" Olivia asked seriously, she had a plan in mind and if it was going to work she needed to know.

"No you haven't." Olivet replied her stomach rolling as she sense what was coming.

"Have I been deemed incompetent to make decisions for myself?" Olivia continued.

"Liv…"

"Get me the discharge papers." Olivia sighed pulling her own IV out with an uncomfortable groan.

"Think this through Olivia, I'll get you the papers if that's what you want but if you get sick again then you won't make it down the aisle." Elizabeth sighed.

"Get me the papers." Olivia replied climbing off the bed onto her weak legs, she'd barely left her bed only to go to the bathroom.

"Fine." Elizabeth sighed closing her notebook and getting to her feet while Olivia pulled the bag with her many nightgowns and jeans and t-shirt to leave ready inside.

"Thanks." Olivia replied before going into the bathroom.

Elizabeth hurried out of the room and down to the nursing station, Olivia's discharge papers had been drawn up two days ago when she'd actually physically been able to leave but they'd been hidden by Eliza Sackville until now.

While she dug out the papers and filled in the date and other needed details Elizabeth called two people that she knew would influence Olivia's decision and held off as long as she could before making her way to Olivia's room.

"Hey, I've got the papers but we have to talk first." Olivet said softly and Olivia sighed and sat on the bed knowing that 'talk' meant 'lecture' and she wasn't in the mood for it but for the sake of signing the paper she would sit down and listen, it didn't mean she had to pay attention.

Half way through Elizabeth's speech the door opened and in rushed Don Cragen and Bayard Ellis. Olivia groaned and glared at the psychiatrist knowing that she had called them.

"Liv what are you doing?" Bayard asked having been told Olivia was discharging herself.

"Going home Bayard, I don't want to be here anymore." Olivia sighed falling into the embrace he offered up.

"But they don't think you're ready to go yet Princess." Bayard replied smoothing his hand through her in such a caring manner it brought tears to her eyes.

"But I am ready B, I want to go home, have a nice long bath with a glass of wine and cuddle up on the couch with pizza, beer and a movie not be stuck here on some stupid health food diet that the stupid nutritionist cooked up that still tastes like crap as it's still hospital food, I want to go back to work and do my job while I finished planning our wedding. I want to drive our daughter to school and cuddle up in bed with you, I'm fed up of being denied all that because I made a mistake, I was to focused on fitting into that stupid dress to remember what really mattered and that was in four weeks' time I would walk down the aisle and marry you, become your wife, commit the rest of my life to you." Olivia explained through her tears but Bayard understood every word.

"I'm taking her home now." He said through his own tears, hearing Olivia confess everything in the way she had ripped his own heart from his chest and he couldn't bare trying to deny her what she wanted, he loved her too much to think that being in hospital was the best thing for her, and until she was ready to go back to her apartment which she planned on living in for two weeks before the wedding without sleeping in his place once to be traditional.

"Sign the papers then." Olivet said placing the clipboard on the bed and stepping back, now she actually knew Olivia was ready to go home, she'd realised that what she had done was stupid and in the process she'd lost sight of what really mattered and that's all she needed to do for Olivet to know she was ready to go home.

"Thank you." Don told the shrink softly, he also knew Olivia was ready to go home.

* * *

Later that afternoon Olivia was cuddled up on the couch with a box of her favourite chocolates and her favourite DVD, she was meeting Cragen in a couple of hours to go to the cliff but she wanted to see her daughter before her captain came to pick her up.

"Dad I'm home!" Molly called having spotted her father's car outside she knew he was home.

"Hey Mol, there's someone in the living room who's dying to see you." Bayard said with a smile and he watched as Molly's face lit up and she dropped her school bag.

"Mommy you're home!" Molly yelled happily as she ran into the living room and dived onto the couch sending the chocolate flying but Olivia didn't care as she held her teenager in her arms.

"Missed you so much Molly." Olivia tried to not cry as she held the little girl in her arms, between school, softball and ballet she'd barely seen her daughter in the last week.

"Missed you too Mom." Molly whispered just as there was a knock on the door signalling Don's arrival.

"I'll be back before you go to bed Molly, how about we watch Mean Girls on your bed before you sleep?" Olivia asked and Molly smiled and nodded, it was good to have her Mom back.

* * *

Once at the cliff Don allowed Olivia to take the lead. It was obvious she was glad to be there as she threw rocks out into the distance she seemed much more relaxed that she had been last time she'd been there.

"I'm really sorry." She said after throwing the last rock and turning to look at her surrogate father.

"What are you sorry for?" Don asked calmly, he wasn't going to tell her not to be sorry if she felt the need to apologise but he would tell her whatever it was wasn't her fault.

"Everything." She whispered with tear filled eyes. "I've… I was so selfish… so … so caught up in myself and my own world that I didn't realise how much I was hurting everyone else… Don… I was a nicer person when I was verging on becoming an alcoholic and… and this time… it was all my fault, last time there was other circumstances and Olivet made me realise that I couldn't blame it all on myself but this time… this time there was no one else involved just me and my self-obsession with my image that could have cost me my life. I'm so sorry." She was in tears by the end and Don didn't have any reply so instead he pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried, she needed to cry, let it all out and he wasn't going to deny her that.

"Liv." He said softly when she finally calmed down. "There's more to it than that isn't there?" He asked though he knew it was a matter of fact and not a secret.

"Yeah." She hiccupped.

"Tell me Liv, you know all of this, us coming here is so we can talk about things." Don reassured her as she cuddled her head into his shoulder.

"I'm scared." She whispered. "I'm so so scared I'm terrified."

"About what?" He pushed.

"That… that Bayard has seen how weak I am and that … that he doesn't want to marry me anymore." Olivia said her eyes filled with more tears.

"That's the stupidest thing I have heard all week Liv. He called by the one six this week more than once to check the list on your desk so he could continue organising things, if he didn't want to marry you anymore he wouldn't still be planning your wedding, he's organised the photographer, he's arranged the tasting at the hotel, he's called the florist to postpone when you can go over to sort the table layouts. He loves you Liv and he knows and understands that, yes, maybe it was your fault that you slimed down way to much so that you could fit into your dress, you wanted to be your idea of perfect not realising you were perfect already." Don told her gently. "You're already perfect exactly the way you are Liv, your dress… so what, Bayard would be happy to marry you in a garbage bag or the ugliest dress he could ever lay eyes on because he isn't going to be looking at your dress Liv, he's going to have eyes only for your eyes and that's what you need to remember."

"Thank you." She whispered wrapping him up in her arms. "I couldn't ask for a better surrogate father Don, you mean everything to me and sometimes I feel like I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me and just because I'm getting married and there will be another man in my life, I'll always need my Dad."

This was all that needed to be said to bring Don into the same sobbing mess that Olivia had been, he heard the words he never thought he would 'my dad'.


	8. Sunday Service

"So this is property number three."

It was the day that Olivia and Bayard were looking for their new home, the house they would return from their honeymoon to. They were both excited at the thought that they would be man and wife moving into their new home. The first night there would be as husband and wife with their daughter and it gave a whole new spin on buying a house, they weren't going to settle.

"It's the right size." Olivia smiled as she and Bayard looked around alone.

"It's nicer than the other two, doesn't require any fixing up." Bayard smiled, he'd seen all the houses while Olivia had been in hospital, he'd needed to do something.

"So it has six bedrooms, a basement, large back garden, close enough to Molly's school. I like it Bayard, I really do." Olivia smiled as she went from one bare room to the other imagining all her and Bayard's furniture.

"Is this the one?" He asked hopeful, this had been his favourite, he had imagined his and Olivia's children playing in the garden already.

"I think this is the one." She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her gently.

"Then we have our home." He smiled. "All we need to do is sign the papers."

She grinned, she'd always wanted her own house and this place was perfect, everything she had imagined and more.

They spent a lot of time sorting through the papers, Bayard being the lawyer making sure everything was right in them before they signed.

After shaking the relator's hand they went for lunch and began discussing their tasting session at the hotel, there was only two months left before the wedding now and they were getting excited and nervous.

"You think Molly will like the house?" Olivia asked as she dug into her chicken salad.

"I think so, see the size of the bedrooms? She's going to love it Liv." He smiled as he dug into his own salad.

"Yeah, good point. Ok so we'll begin moving things this weekend as I'm off then we can just move a couple of things at a time…"

"Liv I thought… maybe…we could buy all new things rather than move all our things, I mean, buy our furniture together instead of move the things we bought before we knew each other." He said nervously. "I mean it's not like we can't afford it."

Olivia grinned, that was a sweet gesture and thoughts and it warmed her up inside. She hadn't considered it before but now Bayard had said it she really did see it transpiring like that.

"I think that would be the perfect thing Bayard, it would most definitely be our home then." She smiled and he nodded.

"SO how about this weekend we go shopping for our furniture together, we can give Miss Molly a budget and she can shop around for her own while we furnish the rest of the house." Bayard suggested.

"I'll pick up some catalogues on my way home from the one six tomorrow." Olivia smiled, she had to be in work at four and had the graveyard shift with Nick.

"That sounds like a plan." Bayard grinned, he couldn't hide his joy when it came to Olivia.

"So when are you telling me where we're going on Honeymoon?" She asked and he shook his head.

"No way, I am not telling you till we're at the airport, just pack for warm weather that includes swimwear but make sure you have something comfortable for sightseeing too, I know you're not a stay on the beach all day doing nothing kinda girl." Bayard told her and she laughed softly.

"Ok." She faked annoyance which made Bayard laugh, he loved her so much and she always made him smile.

ILB

With everything going on in preparation for moving and the wedding Cragen was kind enough to give Olivia the last four weekends before the wedding weekend off. She was only on desk duty since she'd been hospitalised so it wasn't like he was desperate for her to be there as long as she finished as much paperwork as she could before leaving on Fridays.

Hours were spent looking through catalogues, arguing about colour schemes and paint or paper and design over plain which just brought them closer and closer to the realisation that they were about to say the words 'I do'.

The closer it got to the wedding the less time Olivia spent at Bayard's house and more at her apartment. Molly would spend weekends with Olivia at her place and she kinda realised what it would be like if everything ever went south between her parents. She knew that if they split Bayard would never stop Molly from being around Olivia and the custody agreement would mean moving backwards and forwards from one place to the other. Molly knew she wouldn't like it very much and prayed every night that they would be happy until they died.

With only eight weeks to go until the wedding Olivia and Bayard had to attend the Church in which they would marry.

"I don't know why we didn't just go to a judge and do it in a court house and then have the big reception." Olivia moaned as she adjusted her Sunday best dress in the mirror, the Church was full of members from the aristocrats and Olivia wasn't in the mood to put on a smile and act like everything was perfect, she'd seen the world at its worst and the last thing she was going to believe in was God.

"Oh come on Liv, you think we'd ever live it down if we didn't get married in a church?" Bayard as he slipped her pearl necklace around her neck as she pulled on the two layered pearl bracelet.

"I know B, I just… We have to sit there for an hour and a half listening to the sermon and having mass followed by two hours having coffee and I have better things to be doing than discussing this week's diamond trend or Mrs Norwich's new croc skin handbag… it's emotionally draining, at least you men talk about something worthwhile." Olivia explained as she now put in her simple pearl studs and Bayard passed her headwear over. "And I really hate these stupid hats." She added as she placed the over-the-top headwear on her head and adjusted it into place.

"Everyone who's anyone who's coming to our wedding will be wearing them." Bayard explained as he helped adjust it for her even though there wasn't a need, he just needed an excuse to touch her.

"Yeah weddings fair enough but not … not Church on a Sunday, they feel heavy and I just want to take it off as soon as we get there." Olivia moaned, Bayard just laughed softly and left her to it, she had the right to moan.

They both just hoped and prayed that it would go by fast and that their wedding would arrive sooner than hoped.

At the church Olivia and Bayard sat hand in hand while Molly sat beside them. They would be having a full Catholic Sermon for their wedding and had already been told that a lot of it would be sitting and listening and only a handful of things for them to actually do.

On behalf of the bride Liz Donnelly had volunteered to read the passages chosen by the bride and groom as Olivia didn't want anyone else in the wedding party to do it as they had enough to worry about. The judge had been spending a lot more time with Olivia since they'd bumped into each other at a charity gala and Olivia knew she had made another friend and confidant by being open and friendly with her.

When the service finally came to a close Olivia wanted nothing more than to leave but she had to go to the back for tea and coffee.

"Lieutenant Benson it's good to see you again." Reverend Walsh smiled coming over to where she and Molly stood.

"You too Reverend." Olivia smiled back shaking his hand, he would be the man to marry her and Bayard and he was a very nice man which Olivia was grateful for.

"I was hoping you and Mr Ellis could come by the vestry sometime this week so we could put the final preparations for the service." He said and Olivia's stomach summersaulted, it was one of the very last things for them to do and it meant discussing their wedding vows.

"Of course." Olivia smiled as Molly made her way to talk to some of her friends leaving the Lieutenant alone.

"Good, I'll call you this week with what dates and times I'm free?"

"Yes that would be best." She replied with a fake smile that somehow she had plastered onto her face at the church.

"Will the father of the bride be in attendance?" He asked and Olivia looked uncomfortably as she realised that this man knew nothing in fact about her and Bayard.

"I'm sure he'll make the time." She replied knowing she'd like to have Don there if he's needed or wanted by the Reverend.

"Reverend Walsh." Bayard smiled as he came over to Olivia's side, she instantly relaxed as his hand landed on his lower back.

"Mr Ellis, I was just discussing the final preps with your future wife."

"Ah the vows." Bayard said with enthusiasm and Olivia knew he was genuinely excited.

"Yes. I believe you both want to take the traditional vows and make them unique to your marriage, we can work on that." He said.

"Yes, thank you Reverend."

"I should stop taking all of your time and let you talk to others, have a good day and again Miss Benson I will contact you about the available times."

"Thank you Reverend." She smiled quite happy that he was leaving the two alone.

"Should we head off, make our excuses?" Olivia asked as soon as the Reverend was out of earshot.

"Sure, I'll fetch Molly." He smiled before kissing her head.


	9. Frightened & Lost

The next morning Olivia had a late start at work and took the time to drop Molly off at school. Just being able to spend fifteen minutes in the car alone was nice especially seeing as Molly was going to be staying with her Aunt for the two weeks that Olivia and Bayard would be on their honeymoon. The wedding was getting ever closer and as Olivia continued to get stronger and put her weight back on she worked tirelessly checking and double checking all the completed details and worked on the newer ones.

Once in at SVU she settled herself at her desk and got straight to work. Everyone around her was normal towards her which was good, she'd worried that they would tip toe around her and treat her like broken glass but they didn't, they knew her better than to act like that with her.

Everything was going perfectly alright until her cell phone rang and she saw it was Trinity Prep calling her on the caller ID.

"Benson." She answered her mind momentarily thinking about when that would become Ellis instead.

"Hello, Lieutenant Benson?"

"Speaking." She replied holding the phone beneath her ear as she typed on her computer some more of her report.

"I was just calling to ask if there was a reason for Molly Ellis' non-attendance, her father is unreachable and you're the second person we're supposed to call in these situations."

Olivia had completely stopped what she was doing on the computer and clutched at the phone, Molly's non-attendance? Olivia had dropped her soon to be step-daughter in school that morning and so this call didn't make sense.

"Molly should be in school." She said quietly. "I dropped her off this morning myself, she's supposed to be in class."

"We'll double check that she wasn't missed in registration by accident Lieutenant and call you back."

"Ok." She managed to reply before hanging up.

It took seconds for her mind to go into overdrive and her heart begin to pound unnaturally in her chest. She dove out of her chair and to Cragen's office not bothering to knock and when Cragen looked up to see a panicked Olivia he auomatically began to worry to.

"What is it Olivia?"

"Molly's … she's not in school." Olivia tried to keep calm knowing there was a chance that Molly was skipping with some friends but she was also an SVU Lieutenant and had seen her fair share of horror stories and not only that she wasn't the type of girl to skip, her grades were amazing and she seemed to really enjoy school.

"Ok sit down Liv." Cragen said just as Olivia's phone began to ring again.

"Benson." She answered quickly not even checking the phone to see who it was.

"I'm afraid that I've just been to Molly's class and she's absent, no one has seen her this morning Lieutenant."

"Are all her friends there? Everyone in her class?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"And James Creswell, is he in too?"

"No he's in France with his family this week Lieutenant."

"Ok thank you." Olivia hung up and looked at her Captain with tears filling her brown eyes. Where the hell was her daughter?

"Where's Bayard?" Cragen asked as Olivia knocked the speed dial for Molly's cell phone.

"Court. Robbery case." Olivia replied as she pressed the phone to her ear. "Molly's phone is switched off, Don where is she?" Olivia was really beginning to panic now and Don could see her anxiety levels rising and he was worried for her and about her at this moment.

"I don't know. Let's go and check Bayard's place then go to the court house ok?" Don suggested and Olivia nodded and followed Don out of the office barely stopping to grab the car keys on the way.

The drive from the precinct over to Bayard's house was in a panicked silence. Don used Olivia's phone to continue trying to get hold of Molly and Bayard while Olivia drove breaking numerous rules and laws on the way but not caring, they were in the squad car anyhow.

Olivia illegally parked right outside the house and didn't wait for Don to follow her. She sprinted up the steps fumbling with her keys at the door before rushing inside.

"Molly!" She called, her voice reverberating around the hallway. "Mol? Are you here?!"

No reply came as Olivia tried to calm herself down and walk around the house checking every room while Don waited in the hallway just hearing Olivia's voice carry to his ears becoming more panicked as each room she checked turned up empty.

"Mol?!" She almost screamed as she arrived Molly's bedroom, there was no sign of the teenager anywhere.

Trying not to cry Olivia hurried back up the stairs and she shook her head. Don took a deep breath and knowing how serious this was he made a decision that wasn't very professional but thanks to Olivia Molly was like family to him. He took out his own cell phone and called the precinct while they made their way back to the car.

"Munch, it's Cragen, we have a missing person's report."

"Why isn't it going to missing persons then? Kid?"

"Molly Ellis." Don replied and he could hear Munch's voice catch in his throat.

"The works?" Munch asked meaning everything that they could possibly do.

"Yeah ,full on AMBER alert, get posters up, get to the TV the radio, border control, tunnels, ports the lot John pictures are on Liv's desk. Get everyone in to answer the phones and get to Trinity prep that's where Olivia dropped her off and where she was seen last, do everything and find Molly." Cragen said before hanging up, he could see Olivia's hands shaking, her breath coming in short sharp pants and her desperately trying to blink back her tears.

"We'll find her Liv." He said quietly.

"I know." She replies shakily.

Arriving at the court house once again she parked wherever she could before hurrying inside. She found the courtroom that Bayard was in by the docket and then hurried with Don to find him.

They burst into the courtroom causing everyone to turn to them.

"Liv?" Bayard said quietly as she hurried over.

"Order!" The judge called but Olivia didn't listen.

"Molly's missing." She said.

"What? Since when?" Bayard asked as tears ran down Olivia's cheeks.

"This morning, I dropped her off at Trinity Prep and went into work the school called me at ten and said she wasn't there, I asked them to double check and call me back, she's not there and I went home she's not there either." Olivia's voice became more frenzied the more panicked she became.

"Councillor is there a problem?" The judge called and Bayard turned to the judge, his mouth dry and the fear palpitating.

"My daughter's missing." He said.

"Ok, we'll call it a day. Mr Ellis make arrangements with your company for your client for tomorrow, I understand that this is a situation that cannot be blamed on yourself. I hope you find her safe and sound."

"Thank you."

Bayard didn't wait around for his client to be escorted back to the cells, instead he followed Liv and Don out of the courtroom and to the car.

"So what now?" He asked hurriedly.

"We've put out an AMBER alert, we'll go back to the station, keep trying her phone." Don said as they all jumped in the car.

"Where the hell is she?" Bayard snapped.

"If we knew that Bayard she wouldn't be missing, you need to calm down ok? We'll find her." Don said knowing Olivia was close to breaking as it was and with her behind the wheel it was dangerous.

The phone ringing in Don's hand distracted everyone even Olivia slowed down her driving so she could listen.

"Cragen."

"We've gotten a state wide AMBER alert out including her picture up in times square Cap, we need more bodies though."

"Call every single department and get their spares up and call the Morris commission too, let them know what's going on."

"Yes Sir."

"Well?" Olivia asked.

"AMBER Alert has gone out including a picture up in Times Square, bodies coming in from all departments to help answer the phones, we'll have Munch, Fin, Nick and Amanda leading on this."

"What about me?" Olivia asked.

"Olivia, you can't work this case, you know that."

"It's my daughter that's missing." She said desperately.

"That's exactly why, you and Bayard need to be at the station so we can ask you relevant questions ok?"

"Ok." She said quietly.

Once at the precinct Don hurried Olivia and Bayard through to the interview room together. All Olivia wanted was some news, just one snippet of information proving they were trying to find her but none was going to come soon. She and Bayard sat down on the couch in silence while Don went to find out what was going on and make sure everyone was on a mission to find Molly Ellis. He sent Nick and Rollins Trinity Prep to ask questions and had Munch and Fin lead a canvass of the houses nearest where Olivia had dropped her off.

Don held back going to see Olivia and Bayard till he had some news for them, he couldn't bare seeing either one so broken and he wanted to fix that and make them happy again, it wasn't until his cell rang and he answer his phone to Fin did he realise that the good news wasn't going to come any time soon.


	10. Still Hunting, Still Missing

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn **

"What have you got for me Fin?" Cragen asked arriving on scene, there was no way he was going to get his Detectives to travel back to the precinct when they were needed her so he did the traveling instead and got a command centre up and running outside Trinity Prep.

"Woman on the corner house over there saw someone being placed in the back of a car by a man. At first she thought it was a father carrying a large child but when she described the clothes we knew it was Molly from the description Olivia gave you. Light blue thin jacket with black leather backpack, black kitten heeled shoes." He read from the report.

"Can she describe the man?" Cragen asked.

"Not really, from across the street she says he wasn't very tall but he was muscular with brown or black hair and white skin."

"And the car?" Don asked.

"Navy blue, no make, no model and no plates."

"Dammit." Don snapped. "Get me more."

"The bodega over there has some cameras outside, Munch is going through them now with the owner to see if there's something we can get to TARU."

"Ok, have him write down the time into the video if he gets something have a Uni drop it off at TARU and have Morales call me if we've got something, I'm going to meet Huang."

"Huang?"

"Olivia's a wreck and I don't know what to do." Don sighed before heading back to his car.

Over in the precinct Olivia and Bayard held each other tight still crying and hoping that someone would come and give them some news. Olivia was wishing she'd walked Molly inside, it didn't matter that Molly was fourteen and would have probably died of shame before allowing her step mother to walk her into school.

When the door opened the couple jumped up clinging to each other tight hoping for good news. When Don walked in with Huang the hope was still there until Don shook his head softly.

"Where is she?" Olivia hiccupped.

"We'll find her Liv." Don said quietly, a promise that he wouldn't give up on this case until he found Molly dead or alive was going unspoken.

"How are you guys holding up?" George asked walking over as the two sat back down.

"We just want our daughter home Doctor Huang." Bayard said quietly, he was distraught, Olivia and Molly were his everything and having one of them missing was causing an ache inside of him he couldn't explain.

"I know." George replied softly. "Liv?"

"This is all my fault." She said quietly, unable to even look at any of the men in the room as she stood up and went over to the blinded window and looked through the gap at the large moving city outside. "I should have watched her go inside, made sure she got to her friends."

"It doesn't make it your fault Olivia!" Bayard snapped, he wasn't angry with her at all he just missed his daughter and it hurt even more that Olivia was blaming herself.

"Bayard's right Liv, you can't blame yourself about this." George said going over to her, leaning beside her on the window which caused her to drag her eyes over to him.

"I see horrors of the city every day George, I was irresponsible."

Don's phone ringing had both Bayard and Olivia turning to him but when he left the room to answer it Olivia sighed.

"You want to be out there helping don't you." George said quietly.

"I'm a cop too, I could help." She replied picking at some peeling paint on the window sill. "I know who Molly's friends are, they trust me too."

"Write a list of them Olivia and give it to Don, Amanda and Nick are at the school right now, they've got an assembly going and then the older kids are going to search the grounds with some of the teachers."

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"Good, I'll get you some paper." He replied giving her arm a rub, he knew keeping Olivia busy and making her feel like she had some role in the investigation would keep her from crashing and with her past he knew he needed to keep her calm and relaxed. It helped that he had a bottle of anti-anxieties in his pocket, a pack of twenty cigarettes and a lighter and some sedative in his bag if he needed them.

"Well?" Don asked as he sat in his desk chair with Munch on the phone.

"A uni is on his way with them in an evidence bag now, Olivia and Bayard will have to identify them."

"Ok. This doesn't look good Fin, find Molly."

"Yes Sir." Fin hung up on that note and Don looked at the picture of himself, Olivia and Molly that Bayard had taken when they'd gone for a picnic in the park one Sunday, it broke his heart knowing that the little girl was missing. A knock on his office door had him frowning but he called for whoever it was to come in.

Three men in their dress blues with white shirts walked in and Don stood up nervously, the Morris Commission had always had it in for him hence why he would never be promoted up again and until retirement unless he went to be a desk jokey he'd be in SVU.

"What can I do for you gentlemen?" Cragen asked.

"I believe you're unit is working the Molly Ellis case."

"Of course, top priority."

"Not anymore, the case is to be passed on to Missing Persons."

"Sir?"

"Lieutenant Benson is that young girls only Mother figure, this unit is too close to Molly Ellis and Benson to be able to work this case effectively."

"Sir, our investigation is well underway, having it passed on to MP now would only cause us a delay in finding Molly." Cragen said firmly, he wasn't going to back down from this unless he was made to.

"Have you considered that the person who may have taken Molly may be out to hurt your Detective or her future husband?"

"With all due respect we're not at that point at the moment, we're still in the process of gathering evidence." Cragen retorted.

"Will you look at the possibility that someone is out to get Olivia Benson?"

"Of course we will, when the time comes to it."

"Fine, you can keep the case Captain but any sign that you're failing or not working legally then we'll be having issues do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Sir."

"Give our best to Lieutenant Benson." He adds with a small nod before leaving the office with the other two hot on his heels.

Don let out a small breath of relief, at least they hadn't taken the case off of him and the squad… yet, all he had to do was hope that he could keep his Detectives on the straight and narrow and conduct a legal investigation and not make and break the rules as they went along.

Another knock on his office door had him nearly groaning but once again he called for the person behind it to enter. He was surprised to see Olivia there looking tired but a little more relaxed than she had been but that didn't say much, she looked like she'd aged ten years in ten minutes and it broke his heart knowing she was hurting inside.

"Uh got a list of Molly's closest friends, some from school others from softball and the rest from Ballet." She said handing him the piece of paper over.

"I'll get this to the guys, there's some evidence we'll need you and Bayard to look at and confirm or deny whether it's what we think it is."

"What do you mean evidence Don?" Olivia asked her voice shaking already. "Don?" She snapped, needing him to be straight with her.

"A shoe and a hat. They were found near where Molly was last seen."

"I wasn't the last to see her?" Olivia asked in almost disbelief.

"No, a woman thinks she saw Molly, we're not sure though Liv and you know I can't tell you much. Please just wait for the uni to get here, Fin might be wrong."

"No, no, no, no, no, finding articles of clothing … you know what that leads to Cap… please God no…" She gripped his desk with one hand, the other wrapping around her own waist as she struggled to catch her breath as the panic engulfed her.

"Breathe Liv." Cragen said as he stood. Seeing she wasn't calming down any time soon her rushed to the two way in his room that overlooked the interview and knocked on it twice knowing Huang understood what that meant.

George rushed into the office to see Olivia doubled over as if in pain. It took him a moment to realise she was having a panic attack and George and Don both knew the result that could have on Olivia both of them remembering the time she was hospitalised six months ago because of one.

"Take these." George said pulling the anti-anxiety pills from his pocket and handing two over to her.

Olivia knew what they were straight away and didn't hesitate in throwing them into her mouth and struggling to swallow them down. It took a few minutes and a few deep breaths before Olivia finally began to calm down. The tears spilt from her eyes and George pulled her into a hug, when she clung onto him he could feel how much Olivia was hurting emotionally.

"I have some cigarettes for you if want them." George said quietly, he and Don also remembered the time that Olivia had used cigarettes to cut back on her drinking habit.

"Please." She said quietly.

"We'll go to the roof, Don why don't you let Bayard know and we won't be long." George said pulling Olivia to her feet and marching her out of the bullpen.

On the roof George handed Olivia the box of cigarettes and the lighter and watched as she shakily lit one up. She walked slowly to the edge of the roof and looked over the busy city wondering where Molly was. Was she safe? Alive? Scared? Still even in the city? Hundreds of worries and thoughts sped through Olivia's mind as George allowed her the silence, if anything, for once, she would have preferred to have him shrink her than give her thinking time where the worst kept slipping to the forefront of her mind.

"What time is it?" Olivia cracked when she was half way through her cigarette, it took George a moment to realise she'd actually spoken.

"Ten to three." George replies.

"I last saw her at ten to eight this morning." Olivia sighed. "She's been missing for seven hours."

"Don't start counting and comparing the Stat's Liv it will drive you mad."

"With each passing hour the chances of finding Molly alive are greatly reduced, I'm an SVU cop George what do you think is going through my mind right now?"

"You'd rather her be killed and left innocent than sexually abused then killed."

"I want her happy and alive." Olivia hiccupped a sob. "I just want her home."

"I know Liv."

"No you don't." Olivia said shaking her head. "I've been told I empathise with victims and their families but I could never imagine this pain. It's killing me not knowing where she is George absolutely killing me."

"She'll be found Olivia."

"Will she? How many cold cases are out there on my desk right now? On missing persons desks? Not everyone is found George, not always, she could be weighed down and in the bottom of the Hudson for all we know." That was the truth of it, neither one of them knew where Molly was but they had multiple possibilities in their minds and each one more violent or gruesome than the last.

"I know this is probably the lamest advice you'll ever get from me Liv but you've got to think positive about this." George said wrapping an arm around her shoulder softly.

"If I'd only watched her meet up with a friend in the playground or something George…"

"Olivia she could still be just skipping school." George tried to reassure.

"I hope so." She replies her voice shaking as she went to take another deep inhale on the cigarette, she'd stopped smoking easily when things between herself and Bayard had become more serious and she didn't feel the need for them but George like Olivia knew she needed something to keep her mind occupied and the cigarettes worked like an additional anti-anxiety.

After Olivia finished her cigarette and took some time to calm her thoughts down she and George both headed back downstairs. They found Bayard still trying to call Molly's cell phone in the interview room.

"Where is she Liv?" He asked her, his face more broken than Olivia had ever seen it.

"I wish I knew." She said quietly before he took her in his arms and cried.

When the door went Olivia and Bayard both turned to see who it was without letting go of each other. Don Cragen stood with a very nervous looking uni looking both apologetic and sad.

"What is it?" Olivia asked, her voice just a drawn out whisper.

"We need you to identify these items." Don said quietly as the uni stepped forward with two evidence bags. "Do you recognise either of them?" Don asked, he had to be professional about it.

Olivia and Bayard took a bag each. In one was a black kitten heel shoe, one from the pair Olivia had bought Molly for Christmas as she had said she wanted a pair of feminine heels for school like some of the other girls had, Olivia nor Bayard wanted her wearing high heels but agreed on a pair of black shiny pointed toe one inch heels that were pretty and feminine.

"That's Molly's shoe." Olivia said as she held it tight in her hand. "I bought the pair for her Christmas, it's hers." Olivia said handing the bag back over with shaking hands.

"I don't recognise this, do you Liv?" Bayard handed over a navy blue baseball cap and Olivia took it in her hands and peered at it through the plastic evidence bag.

"It's not Molly's, she only has two baseball caps, one red and one pink." Olivia replied handing the cap over. "Could it be our perps?"

"That's what we're hoping for Liv." Don replied as he took the bag back. "Get both items down to the lab." He told the uni who nodded and then scurried out.

"Have you got anything new?" Olivia asked desperately.

"We have some footage of Molly walking and a man slipping behind her. We suspect that he had her inhale Chloroform."

"The cap's his?" Olivia asked and Don managed a small nod.

"He's wearing it in the footage but we just had to be sure you know that Liv."

"Find her Don." She whispered. "Just find her."

"Detectives Harrow and White from Missing Persons wants to interview you both. Then we'll get you both to do a press announcement, some generous benefactors have been calling one PP donating reward money for information leading to finding Molly." Don said gently.

"Ok."

"Will you go speak with them first?"

"Why do they want to talk to us apart?" Olivia asked. "Do they think we did this?"

"No Liv, they don't they just want to talk to you about some possible parolee's that could be involved cases you won, some Bayard lost and they think you'll be more comfortable apart."

"They can talk to us together." Bayard said firmly. "We have nothing to hide from each other."

"Ok. I'll send them in."


	11. One Step Closer

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 **

"Lieutenant Benson, this is serious we need the whole truth from you." Detective Harrow sighed, he was convinced that Olivia was hiding something from them.

"I'm telling you the truth! This is my daughter that's missing don't you think I'd do absolutely anything to find her?!" Olivia snapped, she had been in the interrogation room with Detective Harrow for going on two hours and she felt like a perp, like she was being accused of taking Molly.

"Start again, tell me exactly how your morning played out." Harrow said, Olivia knew this tactic, it was getting her to re-tell the story so they could see if something changed in it at all to prove she was lying, she'd been on the job a lot longer than Harrow that much was obvious, he was a rookie not long had his gold shield, third grade detective whereas she was a Lieutenant.

"I woke Molly up at six thirty, she came up for breakfast and we talked about the wedding while I cooked. We ate, the three of us as a family and then Molly and Bayard went to shower while I cleaned up the kitchen. Molly shouted me around seven to blow dry and style her hair which I did into two French braids for her with navy ribbons on the ends. She dressed while I used her shower as Bayard was taking too long in our bathroom then I helped her pack her school bag, signed her homework diary after checking she'd actually done it all and then Bayard left for work. Molly and I tidied her bedroom before leaving the house at seven thirty five. I dropped her outside Trinity Prep at seven fifty." Olivia explained her voice hoarse with desperate need to cry filling her but she couldn't cry anymore, she just wanted Molly home.

"Was she acting any different to normal?"

"No. She was the same old Molly, happy and hyperactive that early in the morning."

"But you're not always the one to take her to school are you?"

"No, most of the time I start work at seven so I don't take her to school." Olivia replied, how many times were they going to make her go through the same thing over and over again?

"Does Bayard ever take her to school?"

"No he usually leaves the house the same time as me especially if he's in court."

"So Molly's in the house alone?"

"For about fifteen minutes, the bus is at seven fifteen." Olivia replied, they were now going to paint her as a bad Mother and Bayard as a bad Father, she knew the tricks.

"Has anything in Molly's life been bothering her? Anyone at school?"

"Not that I know, the only thing which I know about and have told you is things have been rocky between her and her boyfriend Robert James Creswell the third." Olivia snapped. "He's been pressuring her to go to second base and she's not ready."

"What did you tell her to do about that?"

"First I said I was pleased she wasn't ready, she's fourteen and shouldn't be thinking about touching anyone sexually, secondly I told her if he really cared about her he would understand and wouldn't pressure her for anything and wait until she's ready."

"But James Creswell is sixteen now right?"

"Yes." Olivia replied, if they were going to go over the same things again she was going to explode.

"So he's obviously ready to move a sexual relationship forward."

"And if he forces my daughter it's sexual assault." Olivia snapped. "Doesn't matter how old he is, she's not ready to be touching even through clothes it's bad enough that I know they're having make out sessions on the couch." She explained.

"So he's a bad guy in your eyes?"

"What's this got to do with finding Molly?" Olivia asked. "I'm done answering questions now, go and find my daughter."

"Step-daughter."

"Semantics." Olivia snapped. "That little girl means more to me than life itself, she is my world, her and her father now find my daughter and the person who has her before I go to the press and say that you're all wasting time and don't think I wouldn't drag NYPD's name through the dirt." She added before storming out of the room, they were just pissing about now instead of trying to find Molly.

"Olivia?" George's voice caught her attention and she realised that he had been listening in.

"They're wasting time George, I wouldn't harm a head on Molly's hair why aren't they trying to find her?" She asked desperately.

"I know, SVU's trying to find her and Cragen's trying to keep Missing Persons busy as not to impede the investigation SVU's conducting."

"And that means making me and Bayard out to be criminals? I'm not standing for this." Olivia marched to her desk and grabbed her car keys.

"Where are you going?"

"To find my daughter." She replied walking off, George could only follow her.

Olivia drove herself and George down to TARU, George knew better than to say anything. Walking into the office she felt people's eyes on her giving her sympathetic looks that she neither wanted nor needed.

"Benson." Morales looked really surprised to see her.

"Pull up the footage of Molly." She said and Morales looked to George who gave a shrug. "Morales please." She said quietly.

"You looked without me showing." He said pulling the footage up.

She watched her car pull up outside Trinity Prep from what she knew was the school's camera. She watched Molly climb out of the car and the walk off screen. Then came up a second video of Molly walking down the sidewalk rather than across the grass to the school, a tall man wearing a navy baseball cap walked quickly up behind Molly before grabbing her, a hand going over her mouth.

Olivia watched with tears falling down her face as Molly struggled in the man's arms, her struggle getting weaker and weaker as the chloroform did it's job. Molly wacked the man's cap off and her shoe came off as the man picked her up and carried her away.

"And nobody saw nothing." Olivia said in disbelief. "This is bullshit. Can you clear the picture up?"

"Not much, the quality of the camera is awful." Morales said but he did as she asked any way, clearing it up as much as possible and making the face of the man bigger.

"Oh my God." Olivia gasped.

"Liv do you know what that is?" George asked.

"It looks like… I can't be one hundred percent sure. Come on." Olivia hurried out and George was quick to follow her.

"Who is it Liv?" He asked but she shook her head, she wasn't going to answer him.

George could only jump in the car before Olivia drove away.

He had no idea where they were going until Olivia pulled up outside Hogan's place.

"Liv?" He asked but she said nothing just climbed out of the car knocking her ringing phone off.

He followed her into the building and when she broke out into a run George could only run after her, she took the stairs rather than the elevator up to the third floor and ran down the corridor, he only just caught a glimpse of the gold plate on the door Olivia burst through.

"Where is she?" Olivia growled.

"Hello Olivia, lovely to see you." David said not even looking at her.

"David where is Molly?" She asked, her voice dangerously low as she walked towards the desk.

"I don't know what you're talking about." David replied finally looking up at her but there was a smirk on his face that said he knew exactly what it was she was talking about.

"I'm not kidding." Olivia pulled her gun from her hip and aimed it at David.

"Where's Molly?" She asked her hands shaking.

"I don't know." He said standing up slowly as Huang knocked a button on his phone to call out, he knew being unarmed he couldn't handle this situation.

"Not good enough." Olivia replied cocking the gun. "Where's my daughter?"

"I think I'd remember if you had a child Olivia." David smirked.

"Last chance. Where. Is. Molly?"

"Shoot me and you'll never know."

Olivia shot the gun aiming perfectly just past David Hayden's head which caused him to flinch and squeeze his eyes shut.

"There's five more bullets in this gun David don't think I'm afraid to use them. Where's Molly?" She asked again.

"If you shoot me Olivia and I have her do you really think you'll ever find her?"

"Why did you take her?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not admitting to anything." He replied and Olivia shot again, this time the opposite side.

George looked at his phone knowing that Cragen was in a frenzy on the other side.

"I don't give a shit about killing you David, you've taken one of the only things in my life that matter, where's Molly?" She asked again as tears flooded down her cheeks.

"Councillor I think it would be a good idea if you told us where she was now." George's voice shook as he was afraid Olivia would soon stop shooting at the wall and shoot the man if she believed he'd harmed Molly.

"I'm not admitting I know where she is."

"Enough with the games, tell me where she is and I'll walk straight out of here, two bullets down four to go and I swear the last one will go through your chest if you don't tell me where she is."

"These are very interesting tactics Olivia, I didn't know the NYPD killed people they suspected of a crime."

"Where's Molly?" She asked ignoring his comments but she heard the rattling outside the door and she knew the cavalry had come. She glared at George who she knew was probably to blame for her now being surrounded and her life was also at risk.

"Olivia!" Don shouted from outside the door.

"I'm not moving till I know where she is." Olivia said.

"Just drop the gun Liv, please don't make this worse, we'll find her."

"He's never going to tell us where she is!" Olivia shouted back. "I just want her back."

"I know Olivia, please trust me I know, just unload the gun and we'll be arresting David now for kidnap."

"What so he can Lawyer up and say nothing, not good enough Don."

"But now we know he's involved it gives us a new lead, I have a warrant on the way to Hayden's house, another one here for the office and one for the car, if he has her we'll find her Olivia."

Olivia looked at George who nodded gently. Her hands shook but she allowed him to lower her shaking hands to the floor.

"Unload the weapon Olivia." He said gently and Olivia swallowed hard and did as she was told.

Slowly she took out the chamber and released the last bullet and handed them to George before stepping back and putting her hands up, she knew she was in a lot of trouble but she didn't care.

"Ok it's safe!" George called taking a step back from Olivia so that the whole of SVU could rush inside.

Fin went straight to Hayden and punched the man before putting him in handcuffs with Rollins reading the Miranda warning. Don and Nick both went to Olivia who'd fallen to her knees.

"It's ok, we'll find her Liv, we will." Nick said.

"Go find her Nick, I trust you to find her." She said quietly and Nick looked at his superior who handed him the warrant.

"Anything relevant bag it and get it to forensics or TARU or whoever the hell could use it to find her." Don said as EMT's wrapped a blanket around Olivia's shoulders.

"What's going on now?" She asked her voice shaking.

"We're doing whatever we can to delay IAB arresting you Olivia." Don said quietly. "Elizabeth Olivet is meeting us at Mercy ok?"

"Ok." She whispered, too tried and drained to say IAB could have her as long as someone found Molly.

George and Don helped a shaking Olivia to her feet and walked her out to the ambulance just as Ed Tucker and another IAB officer arrived on scene.

"Get her to the hospital, I'll meet you there." Don said before walking to Tucker.

"Where's Benson going and why isn't she in cuffs?"

"She's having a breakdown, she's going to the psych ward at Mercy." Don replied. "Nothing I can do to stop it as George Huang and Olivet have sanctioned her." He added to prove that it wasn't his doing completely.

"We'll need to talk to her and she should be going to the prison psych ward at Bellevue."

"Bellevue is full at the moment, no beds."

"I want her cuffed."

"She's not a danger to anyone Tucker and no one is going to prosecute her, that man kidnaped her daughter who is still missing."

"Benson is not above the law." Tucker replied. "She would have shot him."

"No she wouldn't have, she shot two bullets into the wall, she has an amazing aim, if she wanted to shoot him that first bullet would have hit and if she wanted him dead she'd have shot him between the eyes. One PP already know what's going on and they're suspending her, she'll have to receive psych treatment and will be off duty until she's cleared by psych services but she won't be prosecuted."

"Marandize her Don, you know you have to."

"Fine." Don replied, he would mirandize her but he'd love for IAB to find a prosecutor who would take her to court.

"Captain!" Nick called rushing out of the building. "We think we've got her."

"What do you mean?"

"Look." Nick thrust some form of map beneath Don's nose and Don looked at it.

"Do you know where it is?"

"We think it's beneath his house."

"Get to it, find her Nick." He said before jumping in the car. "I'll be with Liv at Mercy."


	12. Still No News

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 **

Olivia lay motionless and silent in the bed she was restrained to, her mind overplaying the events that had occurred only a couple of hours before. They still hadn't found Molly to her knowledge, all she knew was that they were still looking and that David Hayden had lawyered up and was refusing to talk.

George sat by her bed, pretending to read some psychology magazine when in actual fact Olivia knew he was watching her every movement, analysing her every breath. Bayard was in the waiting room, he wasn't allowed in to visit with her as it wasn't visiting time but he was in the hospital sitting with Don Cragen waiting for news on Olivia and Molly.

Her eyes were shut but George knew she wasn't sleeping, he wanted her to talk to him because he wasn't allowed to ask her anything, only Olivet was allowed to do that as he primary psychiatrist and she had an emergency to deal with at Bellevue first so he was completely stuck, just sitting there hoping Olivia would just open up.

She had been restrained for her own safety after kicking off with the Doctors on her arrival. All they had wanted to do was give her some more anti-anxieties, stronger ones than George had given her but seeing the needle Olivia had completely lost it and started to kick and scream.

It wasn't like her at all but of course no one knew what anyone would be like in the situation she had found herself in. Her daughter had been missing for more than twelve hours now and her ex-lover was the only person to their knowledge that knew where she was. Olivia bringing a gun up hadn't been her wisest idea but in all honesty George knew that many others in the same situation would have done exactly the same. She didn't take the gun with her intent on using it, it was just there and she reacted. That would help her case if it went to court too, he would be a witness as he'd been in the same room and his professionalism would be questioned but he was ready for it, to fight for Olivia.

"When will IAB come and charge me?" Olivia asked. Her voice so low and hoarse that George wasn't sure she'd spoken at all for a moment.

"I don't know Liv, we're holding them off as long as possible." George replied gently putting the magazine down. Olivia wasn't even facing him but he wanted to give her his full attention.

"How long will I be here for?" She asked her head still not facing him but he knew she was slowly coming out of the shell she'd enclosed herself in and that was a good sign.

"I don't know, we're waiting on Olivet, she'll evaluate you and decide what to do." George explained gently.

"I want to see Molly." She said quietly making George's heart break inside his chest, he knew she was in so much internal pain and he knew that was the easiest way to explain why she'd finally cracked.

He somehow should have seen a breakdown of some sorts coming back before she and Bayard were even a couple. The anxiety she had which crippled her with alcohol and then cigarettes were dangerous to her and she never should have completely come off the anti-anxieties, but it was too late to be thinking about that now.

A knock on the door had him rising out of his chair as Olivet walked into the room, she gave George a sympathetic smile but as he went to leave she shook her head, as long as Olivia had no objections then neither did she.

"Olivia? Can you look at me honey?" Olivet asked leaning over the cot side of the bed and looking straight into Olivia's closed eye lids so that when they opened she would see Olivet's eyes straight away. "Please?"

Slowly Olivia's eyes flickered open and Elizabeth gave her a warm smile.

"How are you feeling honey?" Elizabeth asked brushing the loose hair from Olivia's face and tucking it neatly behind an ear.

"I want to find Molly." She said quietly.

"I know, but that's not possible ok? There are lots of people out there trying to find her and they will, you just have to have faith." Elizabeth said as she began to undo Olivia's restraints allowing the Lieutenant to rub her wrists and shoulders as George pushed the bed up a little more so she was sitting more upright. "I need you to talk to me Liv and be completely honest ok?"

"Ok." Olivia said quietly, she felt like a scared and vulnerable child.

"Good. The gun, why did you pull it on David?"

"It was just there." Olivia shrugged. "He knows where Molly is and he wouldn't tell me and I was so angry."

"Did you intend to harm David?"

"No I just wanted to scare him." Olivia replied hoping that she would be believed.

"George can you fetch Bayard and Don from the waiting room, have them ready to come visit?"

"Of course." George replied giving his friend's hand a small squeeze before hurrying out.

"Olivia how did you feel when you were holding that gun and aiming it at David?"

"Scared." She said feeling ashamed of her actions. "I just wanted him to tell me where Molly was."

"Do you feel Molly being taken was your fault?"

"Yes." Olivia said as tears sprung into her eyes. "David's my ex, he's hurting me through hurting her."

"Will you promise to take the anti-anxieties I prescribe for you on a regular three hour basis until Molly is found and we can see each other again?"

"Yes." Olivia nodded, she wasn't stupid, she knew she needed something to calm her down some.

"Ok let's get you out of here." Olivet smiled and Olivia let out a breath she wasn't even aware she was holding. "I'll get you the meds now just stay in this room till I can get the discharge papers."

"Thank you." Olivia replied and Elizabeth gave her a small smile.

"All I had to do was be one hundred percent certain you weren't suicidal or murderous Liv." She smiled before heading out. The door didn't even close behind Olivet before Bayard and Don came rushing in with George behind them.

"Olivia." Bayard sighed with relief as he rushed over to her. She flung her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. "Shh, we'll find her baby, we will." Bayard reassured himself as much as Olivia.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone after David I just saw it was him and I saw red, I had to find her." Olivia explained hurriedly.

"I know baby, and we will ok?"

"How are you feeling Olivia?" Don asked stepping up to the couple.

"Like an idiot. I just panicked Don I know I'm probably fired now but I honestly couldn't give a damn."

"Liv you're not fired, I spoke with Tucker, IAB aren't charging you with a criminal offence but you're suspended with pay until psych services clears you for duty." Don explained and Olivia gave him a small grateful smile, she knew that must have taken something on his behalf to make happen.

"Thanks." She said weakly just in time for Elizabeth to come back into the room.

"Every three hours Olivia, then once Molly's home safe and sound Don will make an appointment for you and we can work on getting you fit for work ok?" She smiled and placed on bottle of pills in Olivia's hand and a glass of water.

"Two now?" Olivia asked and Olivet nodded.

Olivia quickly took the pills as Olivet lowered the protective cot sides so she could get out of the bed. Bayard passed her shoes over, luckily she hadn't been changed out of her clothes so it was quick and easy to get her to sign the discharge papers and leave.

Don drove the couple home to their house with George tailing them. There was nothing more either of them could do now but wait patiently for news about Molly. They pulled up outside the house not surprised to see the press hanging around. George left the car first and went to unlock the front door while Bayard and Olivia climbed out second. Bayard being the typical Lawyer got half way up the steps before turning back to the press with Olivia's hand in his.

"Molly has been missing now for going on fourteen hours. It's late, it's dark, me and her Mother just want her home safe and sound." He said before turning back around and walking with Olivia into the house.

Don made the couple a cup of tea while they sat in the living room with one of the twenty four hour news channels on. He heard Olivia's sob from the kitchen and he suspected it was from the photograph of Molly that had been released to the press. It was the latest one of Molly according to Nick who had taken it from Olivia's desk. It had been taken just a few weeks before when they'd attended a charity gala both of them in beautiful dresses with their hair and makeup styled perfectly, both of them posing ridiculously to Bayard who had taken the photo.

Don took the coffees through to the living room and then went through to the hallway to make the calls. He started off with Nick who said the basement underneath David's house had come up empty and then he called one of the SVU liaison officers to come and be the Ellis' liaison so that he could get to do some work and not have to speak directly with Olivia who was too emotional to ask questions a cop should ask of him.

Olivia was obviously not pleased when Officer Meghan Powell turned up at her house but she did nothing to complain, just sat on the couch with Bayard watching the news replay the same piece about Molly over and over again.

"You didn't tell me you'd finished the search of David's house." Olivia said as the news repeated that nothing of suspicion had turned up at the Chief's residence.

"I'm sorry Liv. Listen I'm going back to the one six to kick some ass ok? I'll call you." He said as he knelt in front of her.

"Just find her Don." Olivia pleaded and he nodded before giving her a kiss on the forehead and tearing himself away.

Olivia turned into Bayard and sobbed once more, eventually crying herself asleep.


	13. Feeling Helpless

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 **

When Olivia woke up she found herself alone in Bayard's bed. She could see the daylight peeking in through the window and she knew she'd slept the night away. With her heart beating she ran downstairs where she found Officer Powell and George talking quietly amongst themselves while Bayard slept on the couch.

"Anything?" Olivia asked George and he shook his head apologetically.

Olivia sighed and bit back her tears before going through to the kitchen. She took her time to make everyone coffee and then woke Bayard up all she had to do was shake her head when she saw the hope in his eyes and he sighed.

"What time is it?"

"Twenty five to nine." Olivia replied.

"She's been missing nearly twenty six hours." Bayard said and Olivia nodded, both of them knowing that it meant if she wasn't found in the next twenty two hours the chances of Molly being alive were slim to none.

"How are you guys holding up?" Officer Powell asked re-entering the room with the coffee Olivia had made her in hand.

"Best we can." Bayard replied sitting upright and putting his feet on the floor. "Were there any developments while we slept?"

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can tell you so far. Captain Cragen says he'll see you both before lunch."

"Thank you Meghan."

"You're welcome Lieutenant." The young liaison uni smiled, she was one of the best liaison officers that SVU had but Olivia hadn't ever really cared for her, finding her making the Detectives job more difficult sometimes as the liaison would grow attached to the family and hate it when the family was accused and try and stonewall the cops from asking the family questions but she was a good girl, Olivia could see that now.

"When are you changing shift?" Olivia asked knowing that Megan would be going off duty for a few hours to get some needed sleep and someone else would replace her for a few hours.

"When Don comes, he's going to stay with you then till dinner and I'll be back then."

"Thank you." Olivia replied and Meghan just nodded her blonde hair jiggling on her tiny shoulders.

"How are you doing Liv?" George asked coming into the room with the orange pill bottle in hand.

"I just want some news George." She replied accepting the two pills he spilled into her hand and taking them without question.

"I know." He replied gently.

"I'm going to shower and change." Bayard said giving Olivia a kiss on the head. "Then we'll have some breakfast."

"Sure." Olivia replied knowing that Bayard was trying to stay strong.

Once Bayard had gone and Olivia heard the water being turned on she headed out of the living room and down the stairs into Molly's space. She had her own bedroom, en suite and a computer / living room all of her own down here, it had been her fourteenth birthday present and Olivia and Bayard knew she was going to miss it when they moved out. Olivia climbed onto Molly's bed and curled herself up, smelling her daughter's flowery perfume and talcum powder. A family picture was on the bedside cabinet and Olivia reached over and switched the light on before lying back on the bed and looking at the ceiling. She just wanted to know if Molly was ok, if she was hurt or scared. That's what was making this so much harder is not knowing how Molly was.

When she felt someone moving in the room she bolted upright just to see Bayard coming in wearing a sweater and some jeans, so unlike his work self of an expensive suit.

"Anything?" Olivia asked and Bayard just shook his head and looked around, almost as if he felt uncomfortable in Molly's room. Of course, he hadn't been down here since Molly had moved in on her birthday so that explained it.

"She keeps it so tidy." He said looking over the chest of drawers that held Molly's collection of trinket boxes.

"Yeah, she says that when her friends come down here she likes that it's tidy and as it's her own space it's her job to look after it." Olivia replied climbing off the bed.

"So many pictures." Bayard added as he looked further along some of the shelves.

"Yup." Olivia agreed.

"Olivia!" George's voice from the top of the stairs had both Bayard and Olivia sprinting up the stairs.

"What? Have you found her?" Olivia asked seeing Nick and Amanda stood in the living room.

"No. We want to search Molly's room and maybe take her tooth brush for DNA." Amanda explained.

"Why? You wouldn't need to search her room unless you thought she'd run away and you wouldn't want her DNA unless you had something to compare it to." Olivia replied hurriedly, she knew how this worked so why were they hiding things from her.

"Come on Lieutenant sit down for me." Meghan said her arm around Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia didn't resist when Meghan guided her to the couch and she sat down heavily while Bayard slipped in beside her.

"They have found something to compare DNA too that's why they want Molly's toothbrush just so they can find out if it's hers, then they'll tell you the details, no need to worry you unnecessarily right?" Meghan explained as if she was talking to someone who's only knowledge of forensics and police work was from watching CSI.

"Fine but why do they want to search her room? She hasn't run away David Hayden took her!" Olivia was becoming frantic and George Huang saw the need for him to step in.

"They just want to look, they might find something relevant they might not."

"But she's very particular, she would hate knowing someone went through her stuff." Olivia replied to him near tears.

"Just let them Liv." Bayard said pulling her into his arms. "Please don't mess it up, she likes her space tidy."

"Thank you." Nick replied and George showed them down to the basement and showed the en suite so they could get the toothbrush.

The news channel began talking about Molly and Bayard held onto Liv as he turned the program up to listen. It was outside the courtroom and David Hayden and a smug looking Trevor Langan was walking out of the court while Alex Cabot looked on in absolute disgust.

"My client getting bailed is proof that the people have no evidence of any crime being committed. They're going off the word of Lieutenant Benson, my clients ex-lover and the soon to be step-mother of missing Molly Ellis. Until the people meet their burden of proof my client is innocent, that's all for now."

"He's been bailed?!" Olivia shot to standing. "Bailed?! What if Molly's still alive and he goes out and kills her now? He has nothing left to lose!" Olivia wasn't yelling at anyone in particular.

"Lieutenant, he's being tailed, if he has Molly and goes to her she'll be found ok?" Meghan explained gently and Olivia just stared at the TV which was replaying the picture and the information needed to contact SVU.

"I need to do something, sitting here is driving me mad." Olivia said walking out of the room just to be followed by George.

"Where are you going?" George asked as Olivia pulled on a light jacket.

"Precinct."

"You're suspended." George pointed out.

"I know that." Olivia replied shoving on her shoes. "It doesn't mean I can't be the worried parent demanding answers."

"Do you really think it's a good idea? IAB are still sniffing around."

"What do you expect me to do George? Sit here and hope for the best? I'm one of the best SVU has and I'm sat here doing nothing while Molly's missing. I could see that missing link if someone would just let me see everything, they're not telling me everything they have, that's bad enough…"

"They can't tell you and you know that, it would compromise your testimony."

"David Hayden can walk free as long as Molly comes home safe and sound for all I care George, I just want her home and with each hour that ticks by the chances of that happening are slim." Olivia was in tears again and it was enough for George to pull her away from the door.

He made her a coffee and she wasn't even half way through it before she was sleepy and George managed to persuade her to go to bed. It was devious of him to slip sedatives into her drinks but he knew she needed to sleep and not be so panicked and having managed to get sedatives into her coffee last night he knew he could do it again and she wouldn't know a thing about it even though when she did find out she would be furious.


	14. No News Good News

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 **

Bayard watched as Olivia slept. He was grateful to George Huang who had confided in him that he'd been slipping his soon to be wife sedatives. Olivia's emotional and mental state weren't' in a good place, they hadn't been since they'd been together really and this was what he knew could push her over the edge and not bring her back.

He was worried sick about Molly, he just wanted his baby girl home in his arms safe and sound but he was also trying to be strong and have faith. He couldn't imagine, like Olivia, the worst case scenarios. He could only imagine the best where she came home unharmed after going on a skipping school sleep over spree with friends not knowing or understanding how worried everyone had been, it was his wishful thinking probably.

"Bayard, can I come in?" Don asked standing awkwardly in the doorway, he'd sent Meghan home and he was going to stay with the family for a few hours while the Detectives worked.

"Sure." Bayard replied turning back to Olivia and running his fingers through her hair, she was dead to the world for at least another hour according the George who had dosed her up accordingly, the sedative last night much more than this morning.

"How are you both?"

"Holding on, hoping." Bayard replied not even looking towards the man who was like his father in law, he couldn't at the moment, slightly blaming the older man for why his daughter hadn't been found. "Have you got any leads?"

"A few, we're working as fast as we can Bayard."

"Work faster." Bayard retorted, luckily Don had seen this type of behaviour in families of victims so many times before that it didn't affect him at all.

"We'll find her." He said and Bayard just nodded as Olivia shifted in her sleep.

"It's nice to see her getting some rest."

"She's sedated." Bayard reply. "She's not sleeping by choice."

"Well forced sleep is better than no sleep."

"She was threatening to come to the one six, she's not handling not being able to help very well." Bayard was just glad to have someone to talk to at the moment that he was talking about one of the few things he had in common with the captain and that was the fact they both loved Olivia.

"I'm not surprised." Don admitted, he wanted Olivia on the case, helping him find Molly but he just couldn't break the rules at the moment, maybe if she was still missing in a few days he'd let her in to help because then there was more of a chance they were looking for a body and Olivia would be ready to deal with the fact her step-daughter was dead.

"I never thought I'd see her this broken." Bayard said quietly. "I thought she was bad with that whole thing with the wedding dress but that was nothing in comparison to this."

"I know." Don sighed, of course Bayard didn't know about her heavy drinking and her inability to cope with Elliot leaving and her separation with David, Olivia really wasn't as strong as she liked to make herself out to be.

Olivia's eyes suddenly flickered open and she turned slowly to Bayard who shook his head just like she had to him this morning, she closed her eyes again and sighed softly but Don's phone ringing had her looking up again in hope.

"Cragen." He answered before turning away from the couple who had locked themselves in an embrace. "We're on our way." They heard and he turned to Olivia and Bayard. "They've found her. They're on the way to Mercy General."

The two hurried from the bed and followed Don out of the room rushing quickly. George caught on to them and quickly hurried after them too. As they stepped outside the press fired questions at them but they went unanswered as they all jumped into the Sedan, Don handing Olivia the keys to drive. She turned on the siren and lights before flooring it towards Mercy General.


	15. Safe & Sound

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 **

They all sprinted into Mercy General to be met by Nick and Fin who looked exhausted, they'd not slept a wink having been looking for Molly like Olivia would have if the situations had been reversed which meant no break at all.

"Well?" Don asked.

"She's ok, she was awake and coherent in the bus, she said that she wasn't hurt at all that the man didn't hurt her just tied her up, the EMT's asked her about any discomfort or pain specifically between her legs and she swore that she was fine only that she'd been in the box for ages and no one had been to see her even though the man said he'd come back. She's dehydrated and exhausted but other than that she's fine." Nick explained. "Come on I think she'll want to see Mom and Dad." He added before leading the couple away leaving Don and George with Fin.

"How does she look?" Don asked.

"Ok, she was in a cramped space for some time I think she'll be claustrophobic now, she's a little dirty but nothing a good bath won't sort out but other than the marks of restraints on her wrists and ankles there's not even a scratch on her."

"Did she say anything about the man who took her?"

"Just that he said your Mom is going to hurt as much as I did." Fin replied with a shiver, he hated that Olivia would find that out.

"What do you think's best, a photo array or a line up?"

"A line up where Trevor Langan can be there and see exactly that Molly picks out his client."

"David Hayden is going down for this." Don swore before heading off to see when Molly would be free to leave.

Olivia and Bayard were shown to Molly's room and they both hurried in.

"Mom, Dad!" Molly was ecstatic to see the two who ran to her and wrapped her up in their arms tightly. The three cried together, all the worry and stress of the past twenty nine hours being set free from their bodies.

They stepped back from the bed to look over Molly just as a friendly looking female doctor came in with a smile.

"Hey Molly."

"Hey Doctor Lauren." Molly replied.

"I just want to steal your Mom and Dad for two minutes is that ok?"

"Sure." Molly replied.

Both Bayard and Olivia were obviously reluctant to leave.

"I'll stay with Molly." Nick said and the two sighed and followed the Doctor out.

"Ok this will only take a moment, Molly's dehydrated and we're giving her IV fluids, from what she's told me she hasn't eaten in since breakfast yesterday so my recommendation is you take her out and give her whatever she wants. Her wrists and ankles are bandaged up, they'll need to be washed and wrapped up again before bed but other than that Molly is completely healthy and free to go." The Doctor handed over some discharge papers and Bayard quickly signed them. A nurse followed the two into the room to take out Molly's IV while Bayard and Olivia looked forward to getting her home.

"So what do you want to eat Molly?" Bayard asked as Olivia helped Molly put on some old sneakers from the lost and found box, she was wearing the hospital grey tracksuit as her clothes had been taken for evidence, just one of David Hayden's hairs on her sweater would see him locked up without a doubt.

"I want Pizza and ice cream and hot dogs." Molly said firmly making her parents smile, she could have that and more if that was what she wanted.

"Take out?" Olivia suggested.

"No can we go to our usual place and eat in? Then you can take me home and I want a bath and my bed." She was acting normal but Olivia knew that she would need therapy and that she would also have to go to the station at some point to give a statement.

"Pizza, Ice Cream and Hotdogs it is then bath and bed." Bayard smiled, he wouldn't have denied Molly a bottle of vodka if she'd ask for it, he was just happy she was safe and unharmed, he couldn't have asked for more.

"Let's go then." Molly smiled and Bayard picked her up off the bed.

She stood in between Olivia and Bayard and held their hands as they headed out only to be stopped by George and Don.

"Hey George hey Uncle Don." Molly beamed, she was really acting her usual self which no one was sure was a façade or not.

"Hey Mol, can we speak to your Mom and Dad a moment?"

"I really want to go." Molly said still holding onto her Mom's hand.

"How about you and I go to the vending machine down the hall to get some soda and chips?" George suggested and Molly sighed heavily but eventually slipped her hands from her parents and slipped one into George's it was an obvious sign that she was far from alright from her ordeal but at least she wasn't completely attached to Olivia and Bayard.

"What is this about Don we just want to give her the hot dogs and pizza she's asking for and take her home like she wants."

"You know she needs to make a statement and the sooner the better with these things Liv. You know that." Don replied, in all honesty he hated having to push for this but it had to be done. "We also want a line up so that Molly can choose Hayden in front of Langan we're thinking of doing a mix up a picture ID followed by moving all five men around and doing a voice ID if Molly chooses Hayden both times then it will go towards proving that she hadn't just seen Hayden around the two of you."

"We'll bring her into the station first thing tomorrow but right now we're all exhausted and just want to get her home." Bayard said wrapping an arm around an emotional Olivia, she was drained both physically and mentally and she knew she was going to take a lot to come back from this too.

"It shouldn't take long…"

"A victims statement can take hours Don so don't treat me like I don't know what this is about."

"We have a job to do."

"So do we." Olivia snapped. "As her parents. Now excuse me but we'd like to get our daughter fed and home."

"Tomorrow then, nine am Olivia."

"Nine am. We'll be there." She replied knowing that tomorrow at nine while Molly would be interviewed by her co-workers she would have to face IAB or someone or other, she was sure of it.


	16. Aftershock

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 for previews and hints!**

The next morning everyone was filled with dread.

Molly because she knew she had to tell everyone what had happened, it was horrible coming home to the press camped outside her house and she was happy when Olivia and Bayard hid her head under a coat so she wouldn't be seen in the dirty unfit state she had been in at the time.

Olivia because she knew she was going to have to face what she had done to David when she'd recognised him on the screen at the lab and also because if she didn't hear Molly's story directly Bayard or someone at SVU would fill her in.

Bayard because he was normally the defence attorney and this time he was on the prosecutions side because his daughter was the victim, his baby girl had been taken and was lucky to have gone unscathed and because he would have to hear exactly what trauma his little girl had been through.

George because he would be conducting the interview as that's what Don had requested, he knew in one way that George was too emotionally invested just like he was but he needed to make sure that Molly's best interests were taken care of and for that he needed George because Amanda was too inexperienced to deal with this and Olivia obviously wouldn't be able to conduct it.

Don because he would have to question Olivia along with three of the higher ups from One PP and Ed Tucker, they wanted to know if SVU was too much for her and he had to make sure he had Olivia's best interest held and that he didn't reveal anything that she had told him in confidence, he minor breakdown after confronting David Hayden were public knowledge and Olivia would have to somehow persuade the higher ups that she could still do her job and that she would go to therapy even when she got her gun and shield back.

Nick because he would be sitting in with George Huang while Molly was interviewed, he would be the one who asked the more investigative questions and he hated that he would have to put the little girl he knew his partner loved as if she was her own flesh and blood through hell.

Fin because he along with Munch would be putting David through the ringer once again, he was scared he would lose it and hurt David in front of Trevor and have the case thrown out or something similar, he hated being in the position he was.

Munch because he would have to handle Fin, make sure the Detective wouldn't go too far while at the same time controlling his own temper and having to listen to David Hayden and Trevor Langan deny what happened to Molly, the little girl he'd watch capture his friend's heart.

Olivia had slept beside Molly after Molly had asked her too, it was lucky she had because she somehow doubted she and Bayard would have heard Molly screaming in terror from a nightmare from their room and being right beside her meant she was able to quickly soothe the teenager and send her back to sleep.

As they left the house the press went wild and Molly clung tight to Olivia's hand and buried her face into Olivia's side, she was quite frightened of all the strangers shouting her name and questions. Once in the safety of the car she broke down in tears while her father and step mother soothed her.

Once at the station Molly was whisked into one room while Olivia was guided into the conference room. Seeing the higher ups as well as Tucker wasn't what she had expected but she was ready for whatever was going to be thrown at her, even if it was that they wanted her to hand in her papers and resign so she wouldn't have to face the fact that she was being fired.

"Please sit down Lieutenant." The Commissioner said politely as Don placed a can of soda in front of her, all the higher ups had a beverage of their choice in front of them too.

"Am I not going to be asked if I want a lawyer or union rep present first?" Olivia asked as she slid into a seat.

"Do you want a lawyer or a rep?" Tucker said snidely.

"Do I need one?" She asked directing the question to Don who shook his head softly.

"This isn't a formal meeting Liv, just answer their questions honestly, the formality will come later if need be." He explained sitting beside her facing the higher ups, it showed his support to her and his alliance with her to them.

"Ok so what do you want to know?" She asked popping open her soda, she just needed something to keep her hands busy and she was thanking divine providence that she'd popped her anti-anxieties this morning and had cigarettes in her jacket pocket.

"Let's jump straight in there with the aftermath of you pulling a gun on Chief Hayden." The Commissioner said.

"Ok." Olivia nodded slipping one hand under the table and locating Don's hand, he gave hers a gentle squeeze and held her hand knowing she was seeking out some support and comfort of her own.

"You were admitted to Mercy General's psych ward, why?"

"I was having a breakdown of sorts, it was the safest option." Olivia replied her voice strong though she felt anything but.

"How serious was the breakdown?"

"Not serious at all apparently, I was there two maybe three hours, I spoke with Elizabeth Olivet and she got me discharged."

"Do you think that maybe Doctor Olivet put a rush to get you discharged because of the situation with Molly?"

"You'd have to ask her that." Olivia replied keeping as professional as she could, she wasn't going to let them get a reaction out of her because that's what they wanted.

"Ok, I'd like to ask you some more personal questions now Lieutenant and I'd appreciate open and honest answers."

"Sure." Olivia frowned, where was he going with this?

"What was your relationship to David Hayden prior to Molly's disappearance?"

"Ex-lovers."

"Did you go to Hogan's Place with intent of pulling your duty weapon?"

"No."

"Did you intend to harm Chief Hayden?"

"No."

"Why did you shoot?"

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she wasn't even sure if they would believe her but they wanted open and honest and that's what they were going to get.

"I was hoping I could scare him into giving me Molly's location. I had no intentions of shooting the gun at him at all, if I wanted to do that believe me when I say the first bullet would have gone through him and not the wall." Olivia replied and the Commissioner nodded and thought for a moment.

"Lieutenant are you happy at SVU?"

"Of course."

"Your partner quit a year ago, how has that affected your work?"

"See my stats and you'll see it hasn't." Olivia replied.

"Your promotion, it came with a recommendation of administrative duty for a period of six weeks, what was the reason behind that?"

"To learn the ropes as Lieutenant." Olivia replied and this earned her hand a small squeeze.

"Nothing else?"

"No." She kept as calm as a cucumber.

"Your suspension is a total of three weeks, paid, during this time you will see both Doctors Olivet and Huang, Olivet I believe you've been seeing for some time though no one will confirm or deny this, it's George Huang however who will liaise with the NYPD and will give the formal recommendation for the return to full active duty after the three weeks suspension, if we've not received the recommendation then you will be on administrative until we do, do you understand Lieutenant?"

"Yes Sir."

"You should count yourself lucky that criminal charges aren't being brought against you."

"I understand." She had the decency to act ashamed even though in all honesty a small part of her wished she'd aimed the gun into Hayden's crotch and then shot.

"You may leave."

"Thanks." Olivia replied quickly jumping to her feet and heading for the door before turning around and walking back to the table which had Don feeling a little apprehensive.

"I apologise for bringing disrepute to the NYPD, I genuinely am sorry but I'm a good cop, I've been a damn good cop in this uni though my jacket isn't spotless, show me a cop who has been on the job as long as I have who has one and I'm sure an investigation will find them not to be as squeaky clean as they're made out to be. If you think having me see a shrink and a suspension will have me walking out of here you have another thing coming. I am a good cop, a good clean cop and I won't leave unless I'm fired." She quickly turned on her heel and headed out before anyone could have the chance to say anything.

* * *

Molly sat looking nervously from George to Nick, she was so scared but she knew she would have to tell her story.

"Can I have my Mom in here?" She asks as Nick handed her a juice box.

"Your Mom is speaking with some people at the moment uh arranging some time off." Nick said, he wasn't sure how Olivia was planning on explaining her suspension to the kid but he was giving her some leeway.

"Ok." Molly sighed. "Can we get this over with then?"

"Sure." George smiled, he could see some fight in Molly like he could see in Olivia sometimes. "Why don't you tell us in your own words what happened?"

"Ok, Mom dropped me off outside school and I realised I'd forgotten my pencil case, we get in so much trouble for that so I thought if I just ran to the bodega on the corner I could get a biro and a pencil which would do for the day. I was walking on the sidewalk when I was grabbed and something was put over my mouth, I fought, I think I lost my shoe but then I fell asleep. I woke up and I was handcuffed inside a box, I screamed and the box opened and the man was there. I stopped screaming and he said 'Your Mom is going to hurt as much as I did' then said 'you can scream all you want there's no one here to see you. I have to go for a little while but if you behave I'll bring you some food when I get back.' Then he went and then I was in the box till I was found."

"Molly if you saw the man who took you again would you recognise him?"

"Absolutely." Molly nodded.

"Ok and if you heard his voice?"

"Definitely." Molly replied.

"Ok there are five voices on this tape, they all say 'your mom is going to hurt as much as I did', listen to them all and then tell us which number it is. This is number one." Nick knocked the play button on the Dictaphone in his hand and placed it down for Molly to listen.

After the five Molly looked up at Nick who gave her a reassuring smile.

"It was number four, he was the man." She didn't know if she was right or wrong but she was confident that the fourth voice was the voice of the man that had taken her.

* * *

Olivia stood on the roof inhaling deeply on her cigarette when Don joined her. He gave her a small smile but said nothing allowing her to lead into the conversation.

"Why am I suspended with pay rather than without?" She eventually asked.

"They don't want the shit, they suspend you without pay it raises more questions, there will be no details of why you were suspended in any paperwork so if anyone ever goes digging no one will know what you did say if you wanted to leave the NYPD."

"Oh." Was all she could reply. "Is Molly done yet?"

"They're taking her to do the line up now, Bayard's with her and she's doing ok."

"That's good." Olivia replied. "She had a nightmare last night and we had to sleep with the light on."

"We?"

"Yeah she wouldn't let me leave her." Olivia replied laughing softly. "I don't know what I'm doing Don, this isn't some vic who I don't know this is Molly, this is one half of my whole world."

"I know Liv."

"I just feel so lost this time, I try to put it as a case in my head but I can't." She explained.

"you just need to go through therapy Liv."

"I'm seeing Elizabeth tonight."

"Already?"

"Molly's home safe and sound it's time to get me better again."

"You're not sick Liv." Don said gently. "You just got a little lost along the way but you're not sick."

"It was so horrible Don, standing there with my gun knowing if I tilted it to the side just an inch I could kill the man causing me so much pain."

"I know." He said trying to reassure her.

"I couldn't do it, a part of me wanted to but a bigger part of me thought if I did that we may never know the truth and may never find Molly and she wouldn't get any real justice."

"Well it's a good thing that you couldn't then Liv."

"You're right." Olivia sighed. "I feel so messed up." She added throwing the butt of her cigarette over the roof. "I just want to feel like me again, now I know Molly's ok."

"You will, it will just take time."

"You know when I lay by Molly's side last night, she was snoring softly and I was running my fingers through her hair and I just wanted a drink Don, I haven't felt like that in months but I wanted to go upstairs to the kitchen and raid the liqueur cabinet and forget everything."

"But you didn't, you're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for Olivia, you didn't even though you could have. That's huge. Elizabeth and George will get you through this and you'll be feeling like you again and you'll finish planning this wedding and you'll get your happily ever after."


	17. Happiness

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 for previews and hints!**

"So how are you doing?" Elizabeth Olivet asked as she sat comfortably in her arm chair. She could see that Olivia looked like she hadn't slept in a week, could sense the discomfort Olivia was feeling and almost see that she was ready to break.

"I'm fine." Olivia sighed, there was no other way in her mind of putting it, she was fine.

"If I may you look far from fine."

"That's a polite way of saying I look like shit." Olivia pointed out making Elizabeth smile.

"If I wanted to say you looked like shit Liv I'd just do it." Elizabeth said making Olivia snort, there was no way Elizabeth was that type of woman, who put things that bluntly, even with her who was considered a friend. "So you want to tell me how you've really been?"

"I've. Been. Fine." Olivia said slowly hoping the message would sink in. "I haven't been sleeping much because I've been sleeping with Molly and she's having nightmares and won't sleep with the light off but I'm fine."

"How is Molly?" Elizabeth askes seeing as Olivia had given her an opening.

"She's going to therapy but she says she's ok and other than the nightmares she seems to be, she's her usual happy self."

"Does she talk much about what happened?" Olivet asked, she wanted to know how much Olivia knew.

"She just keeps saying that it was really dark and she wasn't sire for how long she'd be able to breathe, that she was more scared of suffocating than she was of David." Olivia explained with a shrug, she wasn't a shrink, she couldn't really say more than that.

"Does Molly know who David is?" Elizabeth asked making Olivia sigh, she didn't want to talk about this.

"She saw in the paper that he was a lawyer, she told me that he… that he said something about me and she asked if I knew him. Bayard and I agreed not to hide anything from her so we sat her down and told her that David and I were once in a relationship and why we broke up and everything, she says she understands now why he did what he did."

"She understands?"

"That's what she says." Olivia shrugged.

"What did David say to Molly about you?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Because you avoided it." Elizabeth pointed out making Olivia huff, her shrink didn't miss a thing.

"He said that I was going to hurt as much as he was." Olivia replied. "Though I can't imagine what he meant by that."

"He lost you when he was clearly in love with you Olivia, so he took something you loved away from you so you could hurt too."

"Losing Molly wasn't half as painful as breaking up with David."

"Maybe not to you." Elizabeth said. "I'm not saying it's the actual reason Olivia I'm just saying it's possible that's what Molly's thinking."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't." Olivia shrugged.

"Ok why don't we talk about the shooting?"

"At the precinct?" Olivia frowned, Elizabeth Olivet had dissected every piece of information Olivia had given her about that already.

"No when you shot towards David."

"I didn't shoot towards him, if I had he wouldn't be sitting in a jail cell right now instead he's be comfortably in a pine box." Olivia retorted making Elizabeth smile, at least she still had some of her spunk, that was important.

"Ok when you shot near him."

"I was threatening him, I just wanted him to tell me where Molly was, I was trying to scare him." Olivia said and Elizabeth nodded slowly as she worked through a question in her mind.

"And after?" She eventually asked.

"And after the shooting?"

"Yes, what about what happened afterwards? I've never seen you like that Liv." Elizabeth said gently.

"Everything was upside down or the wrong way around. I don't go around shooting, David Hayden doesn't go around kidnapping children, everything was just wrong, Molly was missing I felt like someone had broken me." Olivia said looking at the wall off to the side rather than towards her psychiatrist.

"Do you still feel broken?"

"Not so much." Olivia sighed. "Everything's better now, Molly's back, she's in school striving as always, Bayard's gone back to work, David is in prison at least until the trial."

"But what about you? Do you feel broken Olivia?" She asked leaning over slightly.

"No." Olivia half smiled and looked straight towards Elizabeth. "I just want to figure out everything again, make sure I know what everything is and then get back to work."

"What if going back to work wasn't an option?"

"I'm sorry?"

"If they'd have fired you for what happened. What would you have done?"

"Ha! I don't even know!" Olivia half laughed. "But the good thing is that's not an option because I wasn't fired and I go back to work in two weeks."

"Only on desk duty unless George Huang clears you." Olivet pointed out making Olivia shrug again.

"What does it matter? Desk duty or not, I'm going back to work in two weeks my case closure rate isn't going to suffer because of this, victims are going to get their justice and the perps their comeuppance that's all I can say on the matter."

"So you think you can go back to work and it would like you've never been away?"

"That's how it's always been, I was suspended without pay for a month a few years ago, the only thing was wrong when I came back was that Cragen was leaving but then he was back a week later and everything was back to normal at SVU, that's what it will be like again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can't be sure." Olivia admitted. "But if it isn't the same I'll deal with it until then though I am perfectly happy to finish the next two weeks planning what little there is to plan of my wedding and then get back to work before the big day."

"So you're wedding planning this week?" Elizabeth could find an opening in any sentence and Olivia was beginning to think she should answer with only one word rather than sentences.

"Yes."

"That's good, are you enjoying it?"

"Part of me wishes I could have just gone to the courthouse and signed a paper, this whole fuss is silly." Olivia shrugged. "Who cares what colour the bridesmaid's flowers are or what tiara I have in my hair?"

"It's just the fun of celebrating an important day in your life."

"It's not fun it's stressful." Olivia said not realising she was giving Elizabeth another opening.

"How are you handling the stress?"

"Cigarettes and anti-anxieties."

"So you didn't stop smoking when Molly came home?"

"No."

"You stopped easily last time."

"What if I don't want to stop?" Olivia asked blankly, that wasn't the case but she wanted to know what Olivet had to say on the matter.

"That's your choice Olivia, I won't tell you to stop if you don't want to, you know the health risks and you're making an informed decision." She replied.

"I don't come here to be patronized."

"You think I'm patronizing you?" Olivet asked her head cocked to one side as she inquired Olivia just huffed and crossed her arms.

"What do you want from me Liz?" Olivia asked after a few moments.

"What I want isn't important Olivia. What is important is what you want?"

Olivia just rolled her eyes in exasperation. What did she want? She wanted to get married, she wanted to get back to work, she wanted a family and she wanted to be happy.

"I want … it's silly." Olivia sighed.

"I doubt it but if it is I promise I won't laugh." Olivet said seriously which just earned her a shrug from Olivia.

"I want to be happy." She said eventually.

"I think happy is an excellent goal Olivia, you can be happy." Elizabeth replied having Olivia finally looking at her again.

"Then let's get me happy." Olivia said with a tiny hint of amusement in her eyes though her voice was dripping in sarcasm.

"Let's get you happy." Elizabeth smiled brightly, she thought it was progress even if Olivia didn't see it yet.


	18. Guilty or Not Guilty

**Fan fic facebook add me at Steffie Dawn or www. Facebook steffie .dawn .75 for previews and hints!**

David Hayden had finally been formally charged with kidnap and assault and Olivia and Bayard headed into court to his arraignment. They both knew how this worked but they wanted to be there to see exactly how it unfolded for themselves. They walked in hand in hand, their heads held high hoping for the result to go their way, it wasn't the court case but it was the first step into getting there.

"Olivia, Bayard." Alex met the duo at the door. "You don't have to be here you know?" Alex said gently, she had no idea how this couple was feeling and she wasn't even going to pretend that she understood.

"I know." Bayard replied, Olivia was unusually quiet, still lost in what was about to happen.

"Alex you're being called." Don said poking his head through the door.

"Ok let's do this." She gave the couple a firm smile before heading inside with them hot on her heels.

"How does the defendant plead?" The judge asked as soon as Alex opened her brief case.

"Guilty." Rippled around the room loud and clear, gasps soon followed.

"Not guilty! Can I have a minute to confer with my client?" Langan called.

"I plead guilty your honour and I will also be representing myself in the following proceedings."

"Mr Hayden are you firing your legal counsel?" The judge asked.

"Yes your Honour, I haven't yet been dismissed by the bar and I am more than capable to represent myself."

Trevor huffed, grabbed his things and left the table only to sit back and watch.

"Mr Hayden how do you plead?"

"Guilty your honour." He replied, murmurs followed this from people in the courtroom. Olivia and Bayard were completely gobsmacked, this couldn't be happening could it?

"Order! Ms Cabot is there a deal in place that the court isn't aware of?" The judge asked also not believing what had just happened.

"No your honour." Alex replied. "There is no deal in place with the defendant, the offer originally was that Mr Hayden gave the police the location of his victim Molly Ellis for a lighter sentence however the police found Miss Ellis before Mr Hayden gave up her location."

"Chief Hayden, do you understand that you have plead guilty on the record and you will be remanded to custody until you can alliterate your crime and be sentenced?"

"Yes your honour."

"Defendant is remanded to Rikers next case please." The judge called.

Olivia and Bayard stood with Don and met Alex.

"Well I wasn't expecting that." She said honestly as soon as she reached the family outside.

"What's he playing at?" Bayard growled, he knew as a lawyer that Hayden was up to something.

Alex sighed and rubbed her forehead, it was obvious that she agreed with him and was trying to find a way to break it to the family.

"Just tell us Alex." Olivia said quietly, she seemed nothing like her usual self.

"I think… I think that he's hoping by admitting his guilt from the get go, alliterating his crime in open court with an additional apology that the judge will see his remorse and give him the lesser sentence for his crime." Alex admitted.

"Will it work?" Olivia asked fearfully.

"Will it work? Of course it will work." Bayard snapped, not at Olivia but at Alex who flinched. "Do something."

"No don't." Olivia said having everyone looking at her. "The lesser sentence is still what? Eight years in prison?"

"Yes." Alex nodded. "Something like that." None of them were sure off the top of their heads.

"This avoids a trial, Molly is already getting on with her life and she won't have to be at the sentencing so it's over for her."

"You're talking five years less on his sentence." Bayard said quietly, he understood Olivia's point.

"Molly will be twenty two years old in eight years' time, hopefully in law school or the police academy, she's not going to be thinking about David Hayden then and neither are we." Olivia explained. "Let us all get on with our life Bayard."

"Ok." He nodded and kissed her temple gently. "Ok we'll just see what happens."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Bayard and he returned the embrace holding her tight and dropping his lips to the top of her head. Alex gave Bayard a small smile before she turned and walked away leaving Don with the couple.

"Are you sure this is ok with you both?" He asked as Olivia pulled one arm from Bayard so she could look at her surrogate father.

"Olivia's right, in eight years our lives will be in a different place, it's not worth what he put our daughter through but it does mean we don't have to put her through anymore, we can tell her he's in prison and she'll sleep easier." Bayard replied. "Now I have to go to the office, will you be ok?" He looked at Olivia and she gave a tense smile and nodded, she was better than she had been and this was another step in getting her better. "I'll see you tonight." He kissed her gently, gave a nod to Don before hurrying off leaving the Lieutenant and Captain together.

"How are you doing?" Don asked as they began to walk outside, Olivia looking at her heels rather than at Don who she was still sure was ashamed of how she'd acted while Molly was missing.

"I'm working with Olivet, she has some long term and short term goals thing going and I'm working with George on getting back to work."

"That's great Liv." He didn't mean to patronize her but the look she gave him showed that he was and he looked back apologetically. "Why don't we go for lunch?" He asked.

"Uh… sure." Not being able to find a reason not too she agreed though she'd rather not.

"Ok." He gave her a small smile, to him it showed that she was trying though he knew she had reservations, she wasn't sure how she was feeling lately, how her relationships with others stood and he knew that from George Huang, apparently Olivia would need to be shown that things hadn't changed from her co-workers. The thing was they hadn't changed, Nick asked often when his partner would be back, Munch was being handed all the additional paperwork that would usually be handled by the Lieutenant and wanted her back and Fin wanted his baby girl back in the squad room there was nothing else about it, they missed her and wanted her back.

At the restaurant Don was more than happy when Olivia order both a starter and a main, he still hadn't gotten the images of her collapsing out of his mind when she'd near starved herself just to fit into a wedding dress and she now had put most of the weight back on and had all the colour back in her cheeks. He knew that her having recovered from that meant he could recover from this too.

"So how is everyone?" Olivia asked, it hadn't been a question Don was expecting, he thought she might not want to know in case she was never ready to come back.

"Everyone is ok, they miss you Liv."

"Really?" She sounded surprised though he didn't think there was any surprise about it.

"Yup, they all want to know when you're back."

"Well as soon as the suspension's over even if it's just to be chained to my desk." She smiled her first genuine smile all day.

"That's good to hear." He smiled back.

"What did you think I might not come back?" She frowned, she didn't like the sound of that.

"I thought maybe you wouldn't want to come back to a desk and that you stayed out until Huang cleared you to carry a gun again." Don admitted and at this she smiled again, she understood his logic because this time she didn't have to be on desk duty if she didn't want it and could stay out as long as she wanted too.

"I'm going out of my mind at home, everything for the wedding is now ready, we've done all the furniture selection for the new house and the movers are moving everything in for us and setting them up for after we're married. It's getting a little boring being stuck in the house with nothing to do, I've even done all the paper work I had access to from home." She admitted, there wasn't much she would hide from Don Cragen.

"I can get you some more paperwork if you want it." Don teased but when Olivia's face lit up a little he could see it was exactly what she was hoping for. "I'll get John to sort it out and bring it with me to meet you tomorrow?"

"Thank you." She replied sincerely.

"You're welcome." He smiled.

The two ate a three course meal and Don was as pleased as punch to see Olivia clear her plate each time, she was looking better and better the more she ate and talked and he could see that he had nothing to worry about, as long as Olivia wanted to fight back she would. Though there was no denying he was a little more than upset with Elliot, Olivia had always been so strong when he was her partner because she had someone she trusted to lean on, since he went awol Olivia had no one and had to become self-dependant and that was the beginning of her downward spiral, in all honesty he thought what would help Olivia most was getting married to Bayard because then she wouldn't need to be self-reliant anymore having a man to lean on. There was no denying that Olivia Benson was a strong woman either though sometimes she could be too strong and that was her downfall.


End file.
